The impromptu question...

Well.... a leave of absence has certainly been had! This girl has been swept up in a whirlwind of circumstance all of which has plotted against her writing her blog. 

I left you just about to embark on a City Break to Vienna with WW.... oooh, where to start! Where to start!

Well, the night of the lebanese meal was quite a weird night. The meal was lovely albeit a bit disjointed due to the restaurants staff having no one in charge to oversee the complex distribution of food to paying customers in a timely fashion. Still, the company was good and the food was still excellent. Once back at my abode, we sat and chatted and me being me and him being him, we ended up play fighting in my kitchen. he was trying to put a wrist or arm lock on me but I wasn't about to let him. The dog started barking and jumping about close by and then in the heat of the moment I said something about not worrying because he knew we still loved each other! Where the fuck that came from I don't know - but the words tripped out of my mouth gayly...and quicker than I'd imagined!

It was at this point that all limbs were loosened and WW just looked at me. I was worried for a split second as I thought "oh shit - that's blown it!" Trust me and my big gob. But then - probably about three or four seconds later (but in typical Mills & Boon style, it seemed like an age) WW addressed me by my full name and said "will you go out with me?"

I don't think I was quite ready for this question at that juncture but fresh from writing about how we should cherish all things 'good' that come our way - I spluttered something like "erm, yeah ok". (Eek!)

I found out a little later that he had planned to ask me on the Reisenrad (big wheel) in Vienna, but that moment "just seemed right".

Shortly after, and after a bit of a tender kiss, we had a little chat where I pointed out that I still wanted to take it easy with the whole relationship thing. "I'm still not over my ex completely" I uttered and then with a little prompting, proceeded to give him more of an insight into the crap that happened at the beginning of the year with 'The Darkside'.

So - that night, I went to sleep as someone's new girlfriend - and boy, did it feel strange......

Vienna - two days of city sightseeing, drinking, eating and general 'getting along' and 'stuff'. The whole experience was very enjoyable and easy peasy. While there I took the decision to change my relationship status on my facebook page... knowing full well that some of my friends that are also friendly with 'The Darkside' would see it with any luck it would 'get back'. Probably. Somehow.

And I hope when it did, the message was delivered with glee and the sort of 'I told you so' and 'you've missed out' vibes that make people like that squirm inside. Not that I'm bitter. much.

Danger Danger - High Voltage!

Wow - never has one girl had a feeling of so much power over the less-than-fair sex!

(Except maybe Belle from that itv2 drama! haha).

I've spent most of the weekend trying to make sense of the thoughts and feelings that are going on in my head / insides. I still don't think I'm much further on. Imagine a hamster running round a wheel as fast as it little legs can carry it - that's my head.

I spent most of Saturday morning after Wolves Wanderer had buggered off to work lolling around, but not before I'd pranced about in his work shirt as he showered & shaved. Never ever did I contemplate that a blokes shirt would ever look good on me, in that look-at-me-this-is-sexy way... But I seemed to strike gold that morning!

Once I'd got my arse into gear I realised that I really needed to get some work time in on my jewellery designs.... the party is looming and I need to make more pieces. Unfortunately (or not) it's not a process to be rushed! I realised the need for retail therapy of the beady kind and even though I might live off beans and scratchings for the next month I went to find a bead shop for some immediate relief for my itch.

Fifty quid later and I had a little (little being the operative word) bag of treasures to take home and work my magic with! Mum commented that I had enough to play with now... "oh how little you know", I thought (in a nice way). I managed to have my creative hat on for at least part of the night as I finished a rather fetching sterling silver swarovski crystal bracelet, and I managed to at least start a couple of other things. Then later on Wolves Wanderer rang me when he finished work at 10.30. he had mentioned to go down but I was feeling lazy and said it'll be a waste as he had to be up early to go to work on Sunday anyway... then we proceeded to be on the phone for two and a half hours!

How do you balance seeing a guy for the 'appropriate' length of time when you're just starting out? And why am I even trying to?

I'm starting to question if I'm scared... but the mere thought of me being scared, why, it's preposterous!

But maybe I am... hmmm, one to ponder.

Sunday was going to be a day for circuit training and then out on my bike for pondering such thoughts. That was, until the lie-in got in the way...! My phone woke me up beeping with a text at around 10.30! Oh well I thought, who needs circuits anyway (gulp). And then I decided coffee and weetabix were in order, which I did infront of the tv...which was dangerous...trash tv on a sunday is like a time warp!! Eventually I got out on the bike and tried to do part of the pennine trail, but it was completely uneventful. Hitting dead ends is crap. As is going through those 'A' shaped posts things, designed to make cyclist dismount (and become irritated).

Anyhoos, I was planning on going to see Wolves Wanderer perhaps Sunday eventide, but he rang me from work and apologised as he had to work the asbo van till 11pm.... (Am I a bit strange for thinking that sounds cool?). So another night sat in, fiddling with jewels was to be had - although not much actually got finished. This was due, partly, to the fact that I was sat at my computer after it had let me know I had a new message on the dating site.

It's the Welsh one.... we had a few messages back & to and the upshot of it is, that he wants me out walking. haha! I think the fact that he's not had much attention from me in the last month has given rise to him seeking it out a bit more. Anyway, to cut a long story short - I've kinda agreed but haven't set any firm date/time in place. What can I say, I'm a sucker for mountains. And he IS fit... I don't know what I'm thinking, when things are so obviously heading in one direction with WW and now this...

It could be dangerous.

But danger is my middle name this year!

Sunday night and WW decides he's coming to see me after work... a very very pleasant reprise! He gets to me around 11.50pm (which isn't unusual for me to still be up) and is still in uniform... let me tell you, it's never been a head turner for me, per se... but, there is something kinda sassy about the whole late night / man in uniform on your doorstep scenario!! haha.

Monday came and went almost uneventfully, apart from the realisation that I'm on the "must try harder" list at fat camp (ok, that's self imposed. But true!). WW has been texting me complimentary things for about the last 72 hours and I'm still kinda high on that when I decided "fuck it - I'll ask him if he fancies company tonight".

I've asked myself if this is me throwing caution to the wind and 'going with the flow' - you know, it might just be...

So off I bombed at 10.45pm last night to get to his for when he does...

I just need to add something here....

Last night as I was driving down the motorway, I saw the aftermath of a horrendous crash the sort that had people stuck in a queue for 3 hours. I've learned this morning that 5 people died tragically... in fact, a whole family. Gone. Makes you think doesn't it. How in an instant, in one cruel twist of fate, everything is changed. I feel for the rest of their family... mothers, fathers, brothers or sisters.

This morning, it's sort of made me feel very humble to have what I have. And also that I should perhaps cherish it and stop fucking about (even though I feel I can't help that). You should love and cherish the people that care for you and not worry about the ones that don't.

Hmmm.... I'll pause for that thought....................................................

So back to blogtastic

WW is coming up tonight and is taking me out for a meal. We're going lebanese - and it's his treat.

This will be the 3rd night on the trot that we've been together and that means with the impending city break included it'll be 6 nights in total.. eeeek! Funny that the woman he often works with has warned him against scaring me off! haha.

Maybe, I should be looking to cherish what i'm the current recipient of a bit more.

Maybe we all should...

Normal service resumes...

Well folks, i think it took me a good few days to get over the Monday night madness and some subsequent late nights. But she's back now and raring to go...

I've had a message from a medallion man on the dating site... didn't really mention him before as I'd only had a couple of e-mithers from him... but he sent me a message the other day so I'm wondering if he is about to rear his head. I've told him in my reply that I've been spending a lot of time with one particular guy. 

I'm wondering if as a single gal I should've done that..?

There seems to be a consensus of opinion from some quarters that a single girl should keep her options VERY open and be quite aloof when it comes to her men! Hmmm - I think I'm probably far too honest for that.

Maybe I should be tapping into that inner bitch once more....

Especially seeing as the Welsh one has also sent me a message  - I think he wants me to join him up a mountain at some point in the near future but he's kinda slow in coming forward to actually ask me outright. Although his last message said free free to joing us on the 3 peak challenge next year! Hmmmm.

What's a girl to do....?

Something to think about.

Anyway - on Friday night I took Wolves Wanderer on possibly a bit of a big step. I took him to have dinner at a good friends house. I was going to stay sober until I saw sense, bought some beer and thought "bugger that!" It was good, even though I think he was possibly a bit on the quiet side but that's to be expected when meeting new people. I don't think he thought he was being scrutinised. Anyway we played on the Wii and drank ourselves drunk. A very enjoyable night!

Earlier on Friday something else happened. My ex phoned me. Eek! I did think about ignoring his call but I didn't and took him into the girls loo's for some 'privacy' away from my desk in our open plan office. I don't know exactly why he called. Just to chat I think and to say hello and see how I was because he was passing by where I work. Perhaps if he had been a braver man he might've come to see me. But the fear of rejection is possibly what kept him away. This was a funny coincidence because only that morning he'd been mentioned in the same texts as AC/DC touring and trying to get tickets to my mate [who is also his ex brother in law].

Why oh why do I fall so easily into it with him....

It's like slipping on an old comfortable pair of jeans.

I swear sometimes I think he's my "Big". Things in the back of my head say to me that there's unfinished business there. And right now I'm in that awful limbo place of wanting it one minute and it being abhorrent the next. He threw away what we 'had'. So why I'm even giving him brain time is driving me fucking crazy! One thing I didn't do was give him any indication of Wolves Wanderer or my impending city break.

One day, but not yet...

Move over Gordon Ramsey... Wolves Wanderer coming through

I'm barely running on one cylinder today... My brain doesn't feel connected to the rest of me and as such, everything I do/think/say/touch/effect is a bit disconbombulated. After some RnR normal service will be resumed!

The reason behind this....? It might have something to do with the two bottles of wine and the bottle of limoncello that was consumed by myself and Wolves Wanderer last night. Hmmm - and no comments about getting old and not being able to keep up. I drove to work today in what can only be described as a stupor! I think there's a lesson there...

I dashed home after my fat bashers meeting and managed a quick shit shower shave routine so that I was prepped (although not preened) for when Wolves Wanderer rocked up with his gastronomic delights. It would appear that the fucking intercom has decided to not bloody work, so I had to hot foot it down to let him in the main door 'manually'. Still, I suppose the exercise is good. haha. He then proceeded to cook us a veritable feast.

Yummy yummy in my tummy... how pleased am I that this guy can cook!

(Unlike Passion Man who lived off ready meals every fucking day. Thank God that went no further!). Anyways... after treating me to steak served with brie & garlic stuffed mushrooms, proper chunky chips and baby carrots the dessert (the important bit) was every bit as delish! A chocolate & baileys individual handmade cheesecake with strawbs and a raspberry couli.... scrummdiddlyumptious or what!?

Arrrrh, big sigh of contentment..... although a good friend of mine pointed out that all this isn't helping my diet (dare I eat that). She's right. I guess it's more sex that's required.. after all, isn't that 12cals per minute? ...or is that running?! hmmmm, I don't know. I think I do enough exercise at the moment. But there is a challenge on the horizon as Wolves Wanderer has made it known that he wants to shed a few pounds and I'm charged with the job of drill sergeant. He's put my name down for a guest pass at his gym. Right up my street! hup two three four....!

He mentioned again last night about me being guarded with my 'cards' whereas his are all out on the table. I'm sure he's not tiring of the 'whole thing' just yet, more that he's just eager. I just wish I could jump in sometimes with the abandon that seems reserved for 'other people'. I'm wondering when I'll be able to tell that I'm 'ready', if ever! I have however taken what I think is a bold step and added him to my facebook page (for those in the know, those aren't his glasses!). 

Bloody emotions...

Bloody deep thinking...

Bloody men...

Bloody hell!

Sleep, Syns and the S word...

A lovely weekend has been had. However, I seem to always think that when I've not had a minute to think 'right, what to do now' and that usually happens when I'm away from home... Friday I was dead on my feet when I arrived at Wolves Wanderers house. But, weary as I was, I couldn't contain my excitement at the swiftly approaching 'mini break' we are partaking of. I was showing off my efforts with map printing & some 'detective' work of my own regarding sightseeing/times/prices etc etc. He seemed genuinely pleased that I was caring so much to go to some effort to do all this.

Hope I don't scare him off with my 'exuberant' self. Surely not.

Anyway, I had taken all the ingredients to cook one of my favourite slimming world recipe's. "Oh fuck it" I thought, gotta try him on some of the 'diet' without him even perhaps realising. And so, it was done. I just helped in the kitchen and in less than an hour, what is possibly the best culinary show of that particular recipe appeared out of his oven. The dessert was even half way 'low fat' and if you squinted slightly, the dollop of full-fat whipped double cream on the top of muller-light yoghurt and red-berries was hardly visible! (if you can't see it - it doesn't count!). We won't even mention the wine... shhhh! 

I mentioned we might have gone out, but given how knackered I was, I pleased to have been let off that one. After all, it's one thing letting the guy see you in a marginally less-than-pukka manner, but it is quite another for his mates to see that. Especially the first time. I know he would say it doesn't matter, but it matters to me. I want to look every inch the goddess when the time comes. That is said (obviously) tongue in cheek, as it means rather more literally that I want to have freshly washed (and brushed) hair & 'slap' on. haha!

On Saturday morning we did have one of those chats where he told me what he was looking for. In a nutshell, it's me. And without him actually saying so, he's kinda waiting around for me to get to the point of wanting to make things a little more 'official' shall we say. Or I end up moving away chasing a career. Hmmmm, I didn't really know what to say but swiftly realised that my default setting of 'honesty really is the best policy' won out. I reiterated that I'm not quite ready for girlfriend/boyfriend status just yet but I am enjoying basking in his company. He accepted my reasoning and that was that. Am I ready? is a question I've been asking myself over the last couple for days...

I did meet one of his friends when he dropped him off at the train station as a favour (good hair & not bad makeup day -bonus!!). We had planned to go out walking so we were suitably dressed for that and I had my casual combats on.... fresh on so they had that nice hold-me-in effect going on which is always good when the decorators have just arrived! (ladies, you know what I mean). His friend and I made pleasantries in the car and I think I managed to procure the seal of approval.

Although how could they not adore little old me!? haha

We ended up going into Wales to a place called Rhayader and had a bit of a jaunt around some of the reservoirs and up a bit of a hill. The drizzle 'frizzled' my hair but it wasn't enough to dampen our spirits, so that was good. We visited an old police camp that he had frequented as a teenager and we larked around on the obstacle course that still stands on the site. I wanted to swing on the rope swing but thought better of it when I weighed up my chances of falling off. I did hang upside down on some parallel bars which any self respecting big kid should from time to time. On the way home I was doing the classic sleepy nod. So when "why don't you recline your seat and close your eyes for a bit" was mentioned, I didn't need to think twice. I reclined into the comfy heated seat and used his work fleece as a pillow and that was it, away with the fairies... apparently he even spoke to one of his mates that was on duty through the handsfree car kit thingy and I didn't bat an eyelid.

Hmmm.. note to self: .oO try to be more awake otherwise this guy is gonna think you have narcolepsy!

I started to let some things slip to my mother this morning about recent events. At one point she had made a point of saying "I do hope you're not just jumping into bed with these men!" I was shocked - I love my mum dearly, but this is the woman that didn't even discuss the birds and the bees with me... so to be suddenly thrust into a possible conversation where the S word might get used found me a little flat footed to say the least. Anyway, she seemed suitably pleased with the choice of bloke her daughter is spending time with of late. After the events at the beginning of the year that revolved around my split with the 'dark side' (that's my ex. the phrase is blatantly robbed from a good mate) I think she's coming over a little protective. Not that that is a bad thing. But I'm wondering if things ever get more serious if he'll have to run the gauntlet of mother. She might only be small but she keeps threatening us with 'Essex kisses'...

...I swear one day, she'll surprise us all by delivering one.

My Sunday was spent in Nottingham at a tournament, so nothing exciting to report as such. It was just 12 hours of "duty" and a total of four hours in the car. Boy was I glad to get into my bed last night! And, of course, spending all this time away from home recently means that my plan to be a one woman creative jewellery designer/creator in preparation for the party isn't really coming together too well. Let alone things like housework!

Must try harder, must try harder!

Wowed by Rick Astley and Mongolian in one night...

I went to my interview/meeting yesterday all suited and booted... it went well as far as I can tell. I've made the "list" anyway. I did get slightly irked when the guy I was talking to kept looking at my boobs from time to time. haha. Not much to bloody see saddo! Later, I turned up at Wolves Wanderer's place and he seemed quite pleased to see me (dressed in a skirt). It doesn't happen often, make the most of it, is what I should have said.

A while later after a coffee and some chat he announced that he had a present for me. What could it be I wondered, he presented me with an envelope and said,

"The other day you told me about something that happened in your childhood that had annoyed you. I just thought I'd try and go someway towards putting it right"

(This is where I should add the background story: As a young child my dad & I went to see Rick Astley as my dad knew his manager. The result of the meeting was a signed album at the height of his fame in the late 80s  which was to be a prize in a competition that my dad was organising. I coveted that album - a lot. I asked my dad if we could get something else as a prize instead so I could keep the record (yes kids, vinyl!). No, I couldn't was the answer. And yes, you guessed it, some kid won the album in a competition that I couldn't even win because my dad was one of the judges.... such was my life at circa 10yrs old.)

So, I opened the envelope and inside was a picture of Rick Astley and a piece of card with his signature on. Wolves Wanderer had bought this signature from ebay..! Now, I'm sure he knows I'm not a closet fan of Mr. Astley given that I attend gigs like Disturbed, Marilyn Manson, Metallica et al.... This was more about the thought - the gesture. And once again, he's swiftly done a fly by under my sick bag detector and left me spinning thinking,

Can this guy get any more thoughtful!?

Not long after we got showered and changed in preparation for our evening of culinary delights. The Mongolian food was amazing and my belly is still feeling full from the pure gluttony of it all - God knows what happened to my diet, I think I last saw it at the beginning of last week! After we'd eaten our fill of the gorgeous food we returned home and the suggestion was made to go out & walk the dog. It was past 11pm, but hey - I had food to digest and I didn't want to take my full belly and the probability of gas with me to bed.

I'm lady don't you know... 

So off we set off up a steep hill to a local monument. How romantic was it stood there under the blanket of stars in wellies, a fleece coat that was about 6 sizes too big for me and hair that was rapidly curling in the dampness of the night air. Didn't seem to matter too much in the darkness though I suppose. And he didn't seem to care when he kissed me tenderly.

The question I'm pondering at the moment is why don't I take compliments very well... do I have such poor self esteem?

Wolves wanderer told me that I looked beautiful... I shy away from comments like that and he has started to notice.

I knew when I split from my ex, my confidence felt like it had been brow beaten out of me. I don't think I'd ever felt low like that before. But being single and doing all the exciting things I've done this year, I'd become (I thought) quite up-beat, independent and definitely more confident. I think in almost every other part of my life I feel confident about things, so why not with my appearance? I'm wondering if it comes back to this trust issue. My ex ex never bothered complimenting me really and that was that. But my ex complimented me often enough (he also noticed that I didn't accept them readily). I think the issue might be that he turned them around somewhat at various points and still managed to make me feel I was too fat, too flabby, too loudly dressed, too expressive with my hands, etc etc. The thoughts were mainly my own but probably borne from his sideways looks or comments.

Putting your belief and trust in someone when you've been let down by someone you thought loved you can be quite a big deal (or so it would seem). I've been honest with every one of the suitors I've met with the fact that I'm learning to trust again. Wolves Wanderer is,  I think, the only one that has said more than "ok" to that.

I guess it's something I will try to work on.

This morning I was late to work as I found it ridiculously hard to a) get my arse out of his dressing gown and b) leave his company. He told me he had missed me (from Monday) and to be honest, I'm starting to concur.

Anyhooos, it's my turn to cook us a meal so that's happening tomorrow night. There's also the threat of meeting some of his friends.. gulp - am I ready for that? After all, he's met a couple of mine and will also meet at least one of my good friends at a beer festival next week. (diet is on red alert!)

Oh and I'm sure it'll be fat week....

Shock horror!

Isn't it great how so much can happen in just a few short hours......!!!

I'm going to Vienna!!

(Yes that's, Vienna - Austria, not to be confused with a popular yummy ice cream dessert).

I'm going with Wolves Wanderer... feels perhaps a tad strange given we're not officially an item but I thought, what the heck. (As did he obviously). This all came about after me going to the Disturbed gig on Monday (as it's them we're going to see in, did I mention, Vienna!!) haha.

I don't think he even knew who they were properly before the weekend! Anyway, he listened to some stuff online, liked them and looked up where they were playing (World Tour) - unfortunately, Birmingham was a sell out and Vienna just happened to coincide with some of his days off. Coolio! I'm questioning the wisdom in a foreign jaunt given my current unstable career situation but I had one of my classic "ahh, fuck it" moments and lo, it was booked. Albeit on the cheap. Obviously.

So, you can imagine, I'm quite excited about this now!

A bit of much needed adventure to brighten the dull days at the end of October.

Today is a shorter than average post as I'm buggering off shortly to attend a meeting with a recruiter and after that, I'm hot footing it straight down to Wolves Wanderer's (very lovely) house as he is taking me out to dinner tonight.

Mongolian no less...