I went to my interview/meeting yesterday all suited and booted... it went well as far as I can tell. I've made the "list" anyway. I did get slightly irked when the guy I was talking to kept looking at my boobs from time to time. haha. Not much to bloody see saddo! Later, I turned up at Wolves Wanderer's place and he seemed quite pleased to see me (dressed in a skirt). It doesn't happen often, make the most of it, is what I should have said.
A while later after a coffee and some chat he announced that he had a present for me. What could it be I wondered, he presented me with an envelope and said,
"The other day you told me about something that happened in your childhood that had annoyed you. I just thought I'd try and go someway towards putting it right"
(This is where I should add the background story: As a young child my dad & I went to see Rick Astley as my dad knew his manager. The result of the meeting was a signed album at the height of his fame in the late 80s which was to be a prize in a competition that my dad was organising. I coveted that album - a lot. I asked my dad if we could get something else as a prize instead so I could keep the record (yes kids, vinyl!). No, I couldn't was the answer. And yes, you guessed it, some kid won the album in a competition that I couldn't even win because my dad was one of the judges.... such was my life at circa 10yrs old.)
So, I opened the envelope and inside was a picture of Rick Astley and a piece of card with his signature on. Wolves Wanderer had bought this signature from ebay..! Now, I'm sure he knows I'm not a closet fan of Mr. Astley given that I attend gigs like Disturbed, Marilyn Manson, Metallica et al.... This was more about the thought - the gesture. And once again, he's swiftly done a fly by under my sick bag detector and left me spinning thinking,
Can this guy get any more thoughtful!?
Not long after we got showered and changed in preparation for our evening of culinary delights. The Mongolian food was amazing and my belly is still feeling full from the pure gluttony of it all - God knows what happened to my diet, I think I last saw it at the beginning of last week! After we'd eaten our fill of the gorgeous food we returned home and the suggestion was made to go out & walk the dog. It was past 11pm, but hey - I had food to digest and I didn't want to take my full belly and the probability of gas with me to bed.
I'm lady don't you know...
So off we set off up a steep hill to a local monument. How romantic was it stood there under the blanket of stars in wellies, a fleece coat that was about 6 sizes too big for me and hair that was rapidly curling in the dampness of the night air. Didn't seem to matter too much in the darkness though I suppose. And he didn't seem to care when he kissed me tenderly.
The question I'm pondering at the moment is why don't I take compliments very well... do I have such poor self esteem?
Wolves wanderer told me that I looked beautiful... I shy away from comments like that and he has started to notice.
I knew when I split from my ex, my confidence felt like it had been brow beaten out of me. I don't think I'd ever felt low like that before. But being single and doing all the exciting things I've done this year, I'd become (I thought) quite up-beat, independent and definitely more confident. I think in almost every other part of my life I feel confident about things, so why not with my appearance? I'm wondering if it comes back to this trust issue. My ex ex never bothered complimenting me really and that was that. But my ex complimented me often enough (he also noticed that I didn't accept them readily). I think the issue might be that he turned them around somewhat at various points and still managed to make me feel I was too fat, too flabby, too loudly dressed, too expressive with my hands, etc etc. The thoughts were mainly my own but probably borne from his sideways looks or comments.
Putting your belief and trust in someone when you've been let down by someone you thought loved you can be quite a big deal (or so it would seem). I've been honest with every one of the suitors I've met with the fact that I'm learning to trust again. Wolves Wanderer is, I think, the only one that has said more than "ok" to that.
I guess it's something I will try to work on.
This morning I was late to work as I found it ridiculously hard to a) get my arse out of his dressing gown and b) leave his company. He told me he had missed me (from Monday) and to be honest, I'm starting to concur.
Anyhooos, it's my turn to cook us a meal so that's happening tomorrow night. There's also the threat of meeting some of his friends.. gulp - am I ready for that? After all, he's met a couple of mine and will also meet at least one of my good friends at a beer festival next week. (diet is on red alert!)
Oh and I'm sure it'll be fat week....
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