The culture vulture

I went to see another recruiter yesterday in the city centre. I must admit, I do feel like a fish out of water sometimes, teetering along in my dolly bird heels & a skirt in daylight hours. I just don't carry it off well. And for that reason, I'm quite pleased that another recruiter rang me & told me about a position up in Cumbria that might interest me. Hmmm, that's my part of the country for sure. Working on "outdoorsy" brands too. Could be just my cup of tea and I'd probably bring a touch of sparkle to the role. I love the great outdoors, but I'll still wear make up and silver clothing - catch my drift!? haha. 

So then, why am I now starting to have negative thoughts about moving away from my most prominent suitor!? I caught myself checking if there were any positions in his neck of the woods a couple of days ago and had to tell myself off!

Aaargh - I'm now doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do and it's irritating me.

But I can't help it. What does this mean?!  Am I about to start self-sabotage tactics I wonder?

My mind is working overtime...

I'm also having quite a few thoughts about my ex. It's because he'd confessed to me being 'under his skin' and 'missing me like crazy'. But I've not heard from him for about a week now. I should be glad - so why am I left 'wondering' - it's causing me a bit of a headfuck at the moment and I don't like it!

I wish there was a formula for working out when you're over someone.... something like

love x words / relationship length = time required for closure

My clarity is not coming easily or quickly, but I suppose that just goes to show that my feelings towards that person were of a pretty high calibre. (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)

I'm going to a concert on Monday and originally I had asked The Rhino if he fancied it... like the bad bad girl I am, I went and changed my mind about him coming. Too much of a faff because he doesn't drive! I also had misgivings about taking him because a good friend of my ex is going - how mental is that?! I'm wondering if that's 'telling'. I think I just didn't want to give off the wrong impression as he is/was never going to a long term bolt on to my life.

Oh - with regard to the Passion Man - I'm kinda treating it that 'no news' is good news.... eek! I'm obviously a rubbish 'letterdownerer' I'm dreading that text coming through though. Hopefully, the way in which I scuttled off after our disasterous date has sent him the message loud and clear. He's no longer on my favourite list nor me his on the site. Why do we put ourselves through the drama?

I'm also left wondering what will happen when the Welsh one comes back from Canada and if he contacts me... That'll be a test because girls, he is fucking gorgeous with a capital F! I so would! (And I'd bet you would too! haha)

On a lighter note, I've given Wolves wanderer a culture lesson today. He sent me a limerick, I'd love to share but it's kinda personal to me. Strike that, it's very bloody personal. haha. I've got a soft spot for (proper) poetry so I sent him what  is possibly my favourite poem in the world (and the only one I can recite) by W B Yeats. He promptly rang me wowing at me sending him something so beautiful. I'll share this one with you:

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light.

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths,

Of night and light and the half-light.

I would spread the cloths under your feet.

But I, being poor, have only my dreams.

I have spread my dreams under your feet,

Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

Enjoy x