The bitch and the keeper

I went to the pre-opening night of a new local 'wagamama' (noodle bar) last night with a good friend. I'm a whore for any freebies, as any self respecting girlie should be! haha. Anyway, one starter, a main meal and beer served with laughs later and I was in a thoroughly good mood.

After discussing the virtues of some of the men in my life and some absolutely gorgeous compliments, I was left drawing some conclusions. I have had two serious relationships in the past 20 years, both of which have ended badly and the pair of them treated me badly, in one way or another. Do we let ourselves be treated like this? I'd like to think I'm a confident, vibrant young woman who isn't a doormat. I just happen to be fairly tolerant and 'understanding'. But I'm questioning whether or not I'm a little delusional.

Should I be exploring my inner bitch?

Do I need some perspective?

Maybe - and this is my point - it's less about me, and more about the kind of man us girlies find ourselves attracted to. It's often said about women liking the bastard... is that true I wonder? All my friends seem to have lovely husbands / long-term partners. Sometimes I do wonder why they are together (not all of them).

A-ha! Maybe that's just it....

...the guys we all just end up shagging and getting drunk with for x months/years and are doubtless attracted to are NOT meant to be long term partners for us. I mean, we still need to be attracted in someway, shape or form but does that come in other guises than the physical!? Maybe I'm yet to learn this wonderful lesson in life. Looking inwardly, I'd quite like a guy to be attracted to me for the sort of person I am, not just how I look. So it follows that I should pay more attention to looking for the sort of personality traits I find desirable. Slightly less buff but more inner beauty. So why do we not do this more actively?

I've been told that one of the guys currently in orbit around me is a 'keeper' (for sure) and I'm inclined to agree. I find his company very agreeable and his personality is lovely. He's also kind and attentive without being clingy, which is excellent. Once I get over the fact that he's obviously not a bastard then maybe I'll be able to get past the sticking point and move on to the chance of a fantastic loving relationship.

In other news, I went through my profile on the dating site this morning and removed myself from a fair few 'favourites' lists as I was on about 25. I have now hidden my profile too. I'm not very good at just ignoring peoples messages, unless of course they are ridiculously stupid (of which I've had a few). So I'm hoping to fly under Passion Man's radar, the 6'9" Goat Man will just have to wait, as will the aging Dwarf who is constantly asking me for my phone number or to go for coffee's with him. He wears a medallion...

...nuff said!

I just need to deal with The Rhino who has messaged me this morning. I've not read it yet but I'm sure he will want to IM me today as we haven't spoken really since he came over the weekend before last. He is a nice guy, but I think he has issues and needs to get himself out of his rut but he doesn't seem the type to do that without someone constantly bugging him. I don't want to be that person so I think the bubble that made me want to spend any serious amounts of time with him has burst.

Hmmm, I've not decided how to play that one just yet! Maybe I should be asking my bitch? Answers on a postcard...

Taking the rough with the smooth

So, the weekend is all but a memory and mainly a happy one. It was marred slightly by my date with Passion Man last night.

I drove home saying "bleeeuuuurggh!" and "ugh!" out loud as if I'd had a mouthful of something unpleasant.

Yes his hair was on the geeky side of floppy and I wondered if it was 'product' or grease in there. Having regarded that for a while as I sat opposite from him, I'm guessing it was the latter. Imagine for a moment if you had a lineup of men in front of you and it was a game of guess the accountant.... you'd pick him out a mile off! Think sensible glasses. He definitely should've gone to Specsavers! All this I wouldn't have minded so much but this was all compounded by the fact I think he'd left his conversation skills in the car!

The poor guy was obviously nervous so I'm perhaps being a little cruel. All I know is that I didn't want to be there after ten minutes. I even wondered about excusing myself somehow but I couldn't, I'm not that heartless. Needless to say, I won't have to endure that with him again, no chance. He even struggled to talk about a 3.5week holiday to Oz... he did however do a nice line in talking about convenience food because he doesn't cook. At all. Oh, and how he'd climbed Snowdon up the road way and he did it as part of the 'fast group'. Oh and how he can do 8mph on his mountain bike. Like I was meant to be impressed. Personally I kinda struggled not to talk directly to the large mole that was sitting just above one side of his lip. Jees!

It was painful as I'm sure you can imagine.

The night before was far better, having gone to see Wolves Wanderer. He'd worked late and also had an early start on Sunday but he wanted me to go over anyway, tempted by the mention of a 'banquet fit for a princess' and with the alternative being domestic chores, there was no contest. He cooked a big chili which was very nice then we watched a film and had a laugh (with his riot gear) and shared a nice bottle of red. Very chilled.

The next morning he was up early to get ready to be at work for 5. 'This is a good sign' I thought, 'he's trusting me alone in his house'. Anyway, I tidied round the bombsight that was the kitchen, as any self respecting person would have. I found £10 on the floor too (wondered if it was a test). I also walked his dog who seems to have really taken to me. That was fun and I enjoyed it. Bit of exercise too! It would seem that I have inadvertently scored brownie points on my dating scorecard. On his return from a 12 hour shift he sent me this text:

"I must be dreaming at the mo, I need a pinch. Last night this gorgeous girl stayed at my house, I had to go to work really early and the kitchen was a mess. I've come home knackered, not wanting to go back into it and it's all tidy! I've even made 10 quid and the dog has been walked. Are you for real or is this just an amazing dream? Thank you xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx"

So, I'm still playing it cool but I must admit to being quite taken, despite my previous misgivings. At what point I wonder do 'relationship' thoughts take over 'just spending time together' thoughts...? I don't think I'm ready yet as the head-fucks still keep happening from past wounds. Until, they've 'healed' or at least subsided much much more, I'll not be getting into anything too heavy. That said, Wolves Wanderer and I have had a chat about things - he's admitted to looking for someone long term but he said he understands where I am with things at the moment (as he's been there) and it's important that I continue on my own path. He also picked up on something I said, which was that I was looking for something 'nice', what we've shared has been nice, so I'm happy with that to continue. Anyway - he's coming up on Saturday (with any luck).

Life, Love and Happiness

This is a short entry tonight as I've been invited by Wolves Wanderer to go for a meal at his 'gaff' and to be honest faced with the choice between that or the ironing - hmm, it wasn't much of a contest really.

I went to see a friend today who is in some need of 'bolstering' after her hubster has left her and their young child. It left me with an enormous sense of 'life is too short for tears' kind of feeling. I do wish her well and so much love. I know that in the coming months and possibly years she might not ever get to understand what was going through his mind to cause his actions but she will flourish regardless. As we all do.

When my ex split up with me I went through a 'pain barrier' and what seemed like endless tears. The questions and 'reasoning' just flitted around my head like never tiring butterflies. We just need to make our peace with things sometimes to enable us to forge onwards as the extraordinary creatures we are. My dad said once "When you wake up tomorrow, the sun will still shine and the birds will still sing". Of course, how right he was, and in a weird way, this helped. I could choose whether to cry, be sad and mull or mope about things or I could dust myself off and get on with rebuilding my life. I chose the latter (after a lot of vodka, tears and wet shoulders) and now I'd like to think that people see me as a strong, happy, smiley character who is content in her own skin. Ok, ok - maybe a stone or two lighter and then I'd be reeeeaaaaaalllly happy, but hey ho.

But what I'm trying to say is that it's too easy to get caught up in things and be blinkered.

Life really IS too short.

I've seen a road accident today, not actually happen but the aftermath and it was a fatality. How sad is that!? So before you start nagging your other half or children or anyone for that matter ask yourself why. Try to see the bigger picture. Keep a smile somewhere for everyone and you won't go too far wrong. Try to find the positives in your current situations.

Be happy.

Thank the Lord, it's Friday!

So, first off, my arse isn't sore after yesterdays bike ride. Which is good because I thought it might've been, having not been in the saddle for a few weeks. We stopped halfway at a local Abbey, or the ruins thereof. I love old shit like that. We climbed up a stone spiral staircase in one of the towers. It was absolutely pitch black.

I took photo's from the top. It was good fun. Small things eh?!

So, for the first time, I'm blogging about  a date and I'm wondering how much information to give. Do I skim over or lavish details upon you I wonder...?

Well girls (and guys if there are any), lets just firstly say that Wolves Wanderers homestead is a pretty nifty affair. A small wooden beamed stone cottage situated not quite in the middle of nowhere. Inside, not absolutely immaculate, but fairly close, which is good - I like tidy men without them being anal, as I'm sure most girlies do. He has style and nice taste in proper wood furniture, cushions, curtains etc. My mum, and most mum's would, no doubt, approve!

Hang on, let me stop myself - Why the hell am I wowing about bloody soft furnishings...

aaaarrrgh, I'm turning into a domesticat!!

Moving swiftly on - he has more than a decent smattering of gadgetry, which as you will already know, I like. The biggest fucking fridge I've ever seen in my whole life!! TV's, DVD players, SKY HD etc etc. Even remote control lights! How very Dean Martin'esque' eh!? It might've been a different, cheesy bachelor, story had they dimmed when he clapped, but thankfully, they didn't.

All this and he can cook! He made us Lasagne, which any self respecting foody would love! With garlic bread (great for my diet. not!) and salad. All washed down with a bottle of my favourite plonk. Previously when we've met, usually over dinner, he's mentioned he likes cooking but didn't do a lot for just himself (I know exactly how he feels) You can imagine I was a fairly happy bunny at this point in the proceedings. Then the second glass of wine, and "You can crash here if you like?" was served up.

Well....... it'd be rude not to.

Wouldn't it?

Good job I spent time the night before packing a bag 'just in case'.

Smiles all round.

So he lit the wood burning stove thing (gorgeous!) and we reclined on the sofa chatting and looking at some pictures he wanted to show me (something to do with his work but I can't mention it on here). Anyway, to cut what I could make into a very long story short, we ended up snogging on the sofa. Which was kinda inevitable really as it was in the air. Then, given the time of night and the wine I'd consumed (not much, but too much to drive), I stayed over.

And very nice it was too.  ; )

And that's why today, he's phoned in sick and I've been mostly just trying to stay awake.

So now that WW is quite firmly out of the 'friends box' and back into the fighting arena, my thoughts have turned to Sundays date with Passion Man...

...and whether I'll judge him by the amount of flop in his hair.

Choices abound!

I bought a computer for my new bike last night - and tried to fit it! Haha, what a mistake that was at 10pm! Don't get me wrong, I love gadgetry and I knew straight away that I wanted one of these. Christ, I haven't even got lights for it yet and I have a cyclometer and also now one of those snazzy looking mutli-tool things with umpteen allen keys and various other implements for 'fiddling' with your setup.

So, at approximately 10.23pm (!) I gave up on the fitting the gadget to my handlebars as I realised I didn't have an engineering degree to fit it...! I did however work out the circumference of my wheel using about the only formula I remember from Maths lessons at high school (apparently I'll need that). I'll fit it at the weekend perhaps, when I'm not preoccupied with other things.

And the reason for the faff last night? I've been invited by Wolves Wanderer to go to his house after work for a ride (his words, not mine! LOL) and he's also going to cook a meal for us. How sweet eh? (he gets back from his holiday this afternoon). I packed a bag last night with a change of clothes for riding and all the essentials, should I end up staying over (I mean... a meal AND wine.....!?). So this morning, I made myself late by wrestling my bike into the back of my car. It must've looked quite comical to anyone who happened to be watching!

So, that aside. I also have another date! Passion Man has alluded a few times to wanting to meet up at some point. So I've agreed to luncheon at the weekend.

I mean a girl needs choices, right?

So on Sunday, I'll be getting myself primped and preened for that most important of meetings... the first one! I just need to decide where to go. We've agreed the location, a fairly local outlet place that has loads of eateries... I should pick carefully because:

a) I'm on a diet! (who the hell isn't these days) AND I've stuffed my face this week AND I bet the meal with WolvesWanderer isn't going to following my diet plan AT ALL!

and

b) What do you eat in front of someone that you're meeting for the first time when you don't want to be embarrassed? Spaghetti down your chin or tussling with food before flicking it across the room from your fork is not a good look, I don't care how kooky I am otherwise!

I'm sure I'll think of something, maybe I'll pick somewhere where I can see him arrive, or that has a bar I can sit at. Whoever thought I'd be thinking about so many details. Tell you what though, it all goes out of the window on about date three and the will to primp & preen is slightly marred by the fact that - I just can't be bothered with all that shite normally! haha!!

I have done quite a bit of women watching of late.... seems a lot of girls that may very likely be single spend a lot, and I mean A LOT of time and effort on their appearance when leaving the house. I mean - have you seen the role models out there. Ms Cole for instance, although seemingly very pretty and weighing in at less than 6 stones (apparently). I tried my hand the other night at applying a similar amount of make up that she wears - have you seen all that eyeliner!? Anyway, I'm no makeup artiste, but to be fair, I'm probably better than most. Jesus, it's not becoming for normal everyday girls to wear that much slap!

It has actually made me question whether my day in - day out ensemble of jeans and tshirt should be addressed also.... My friends know that I'm not that fussed by fashion per se - I mean, I do sometimes, but I'll equally go out for a night (like I did last saturday) in jeans and a vest.

Everything in life is about choices. Fact.

I always try to think 'sexy', especially when out at night. Haha, it's even been commented on that I'm a cross between Eliva, Lara Croft and Wonder Woman (that was courtesy of The Rhino). But I have a style, if you can call it that, of my own and I don't really care if Kate Moss is launching a new range of (oooh) must have clothes at Primark or wherever. I mean, who the fuck over the age of 20 wears this kind of pische anyway. Certainly not a rock goddess like me! I like being individual so if that means I want to wear an old cutaway funky top with jeans and my FMB's then so be it. At least I don't subscribe like all the other sheep! Baaa!

Just re-read that it it makes me sound something akin to Waynetta Slob. I'm not I hasten to add, I just have a relaxed style and a job that allows me to be comfortably casual. A good friend of mine made me add this to my dating site profile 'an eclectic mix of rock chick meets bohemian hippy.

Screw fashion I say.

Hooray for doing what the hell you like...

PS. I just wanted to add.. I went to visit a good friend of mine last night who had her nose fixed yesterday. Think the "tampons" are coming out of her nose today, lol... I wish her all the best with the results and hope she's very happy. Those black eyes are beaut's though! Couldn't have done better myself!  ; )

PPS. Screw work - I'm clocking off early to go for my ride ; ) I'll let you all know how it went tomorrow....

When & Where to make informed decisions....

Last night I sat at home and thoroughly enjoyed the texts I was getting from the WolvesWanderer while he is away on holiday. Now I had decided most reverently (I thought) that this particular guy was going to be firmly in the "friends box" - you girls know what I'm talking about. That place where all those lovely guys you meet and allow into your life go when they are no way going to get into your pants.

BUT - only a few nights ago I was telling a good friend of mine about an errand that this man did for me, out of the kindness of his heart. He travelled God knows how many miles out of his way to pick up something for me to save me the journey. And then, he drove it all the way to me at work. Talk about door to door service! Anyway - she said, "That's him, that's the man for you!". I was laughing at the time and said words like "Yeah, but I don't think I fancy him" to which she starting talking about Knights of olde and honour and quests etc etc! haha.

Anyway, my informed decision about him being in the "friends box" is now waivering.

Has she really swayed my decision I wonder?

He is a lovely guy and has a lot of genuinely pleasant qualities. He has a good job and has no prior kids (although he does have an ex-wife). So where along the line does just liking someone turn into fancying them? I'm wondering if I'm seeing things through rose-tinted glasses because of his kindness. But now he's being attentive even when he's not in the country.

Do you need to have some sort of physical contact to aid you in this decision...? (I've kissed him goodbye/goodnight and that's it).  Are you "allowed" to keep men 'on the boil' until you decide? I'm not sure how high that moral ground is or should be.

As a single modern woman, should I be thinking about the bigger (life) picture to help me make an informed decision?

And as for informed decisions about other life matters - career, time-management etc... Hmm, informed they are not as last night I found myself wondering if I could launch myself into the glitzy cheshire-set crowd as an amazing jewellery designer to the stars! Not sure if I was awake or just dreaming.... I think the pile of silver and jewels on the table in my lounge currently awaiting mega-stardom is a testament to that not happening any time soon. BUT - I do have a jewellery party to prepare for at the beginning of November and so - magick will hopefully be upon me and my fingers at the weekend.

Let the creative juices flow freely!

Meet the boys...

I've realised that calling my suitors alphabetically is going to be a little confusing so I am bound to make life easier for you by giving them a proper introduction now and also giving them a nickname each. So in no particular order:

Meet TheRhino (35) 6'3". This name works on a number of levels not least because of the amount of horn this man seems to have! haha. He's very sweet and has a very active imagination (and not just in that way). I think he's also prone to flights of fantasy and has very very possible acute anger issue but with himself. Probably one of life's under-achiever's and almost proud of that but with a sense of wanting to get out of his rut but not knowing how to do that. I think even he doesn't know where he's going in life. Definitely not one for 'hum-drum' and 'normality' because that would be too "beige". He works in the legal admin department of an academic facility.

Then there's the WolvesWanderer (35) 5'8", previously mentioned as suitor B, This guy is lovely. A true gent if ever there was one (or so it seems). He seems a very genuinely nice person. He's divorced (his wife left him for someone else) but has no kids. Just a dog. Own home & Car. Policeman. He's maybe just a little on the rounder side of fit. He's also been texting me while he's currently away on holiday. He used to do far more than he does now physically and I think he might be looking to me for that to change. He's also not as tall as I'd like either. Is that too picky?

The PassionMan (39) 5'10", previously mentioned as the not-so-shy-and-retiring suitor C, this guy I can't make my mind up about. He's never really pushed me hard to pin me down for a date which makes me wonder if he's seeing others at the moment (and that's fine)... He's divorced and has a 12 yr old daughter (no issue). This guy has very professional job as a financial manager in a big insurance company or something. And I believe he has a floppy hair 'do'. Hmmm - can't await to see that one! LOL. He's also very 'active' in his sexy texts, which leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, believe me! I think even I blushed! Good job I'm not prudish!

The ManCyclist (36) 6'0", is a slow burner. He's fairly keen to meet me at some point but isn't pushing at all. This guy does a lot of cycling - even in the rain! He is a self employed Garden Designer / Landscaper. He seems quite laid back and we seem to share a similar wit. And he too isn't backwards in coming forwards! I've been on the receiving end of some of "those sort" of texts - he knows his dustpan from his duster I can tell ya!

The WelshOne (40) 5'10", is lush! But lives all the way down in the south of wales. He has been very complimentary on more than one occasion but I don't think it's going to be easy getting to meet him. Never been married, no kids. Policeman. Although we did have loose arrangements to climb up a mountain and there was even talk of camping at one point. He does a heck of a lot of cycling and walking and is generally an outdoorsy hippy type with fucking gorgeous legs ladies! Cool or what!? He's very non comittal and I think he's probably set in his ways, but every now & again he surprises me with a new message on the site. He's away at the moment as he says he has a 2nd home in Canada, so he's gone there for a few weeks. Alright for some eh!?

I once heard (on radio 4 so it must be true) that any self respecting modern, single woman should have at least four men circling around her at any one time.... so there's an easy five to be going on with! There was another, but he turned out to be a complete dickhead so I kicked him into touch as soon as he got abusive and gave me grief in messages before I'd even met him. WTF!? ...anyway, the less breath wasted on that loser the better.

Greedy?

Nah. Think 'choices'...

Onwards and Upwards?

Excellent. I've just had a call from a decent agency to go in and see them again after I'd applied for a lovely job on their books. So next week, I'll put on something suitably businesslike, grab my portfolio and don my suitably arty farty proverbial 'hat'. Being a 'luvvie' in my industry is apparently all smoke and mirrors. Don't you just hate bullshit like that!? - I do. I'm more of a spade is a spade type, being overly precious just isn't me. I spend too much time in the great outdoors to be phased by some of the corporate bollocks that these 'suits' we ordinary people meet occasionally throw at us. But I'll play the game if it lands me gainful employment...

I've just had suitor C (39) send me a text which I've not replied to yet - he's keen to meet me at some juncture but also seems to be playing it a little cool, like he's not that bothered. But he always send me little texts to see how I am or what I'm up to. He's also completely x-rated at times with his messages, I wonder if he's sex mad sometimes. It never fails to make me giggle reading the 'fucking' explicit ones. He's a financial manager for some insurance company, he lives in what I believe to be a very nice area about an hour from me, and he's just come back from three weeks in Oz... maybe I'll let him buy me a coffee one day soon...

Am I turning into a fickle singleton?

Maybe.

Hello! I'm single AND still got it..!

So... I'm relatively slow on the uptake with all this blogging malarky, afterall, I'm a single thirtysomething with a hectic lifestyle - where on earth would I find the time to write anything!? Quite a few of my friends have started with the whole blog thing so I thought it was time to take the plunge because some of the escapades of this particular singleton have been to the great merriment of some of my closest friends. Some of which have even said to me "You should write a book!"

My life currently finds me:

a) Single - and yes, I never thought I'd say it, but I'm quite happy being this way (for now). It seems to afford me 'powers'. It compels either great jealousy (haha!) or a certain type of attraction. An attraction that seems to fall into two different sorts; a pure lustful sort of attraction and the other a more adoration type of attraction. Both of which I am having a fairly nice time reveling in when they come about! There's currently about half a dozen 'suitors' in varying levels of connection with me (I'll introduce them all in due time). All are keen enough, or so it would seem. I'm enjoying doing the 'dance' of the independent single woman with my social diary. At the moment if I want someone nice to go to dinner with or the pictures or just hang out with, I think I could have my pick. Not that I'm that sort of woman you understand ; )

b) Working my notice - and trying not to panic too much. I feel like I'm possibly stood on the edge of a great precipice. It's going to be fall into the abyss or take flight. Personally I'm hoping it's the latter... and believe me, if the job in Warsaw or Dubai comes up - I'm off!!

and c) Busy - never has my life been so 'full'. I was on the phone last night to a potential suitor (we'll call him Suitor B, but only because I'm saving suitor A for later). Suitor B (35) exclaimed that I was a difficult girl to try and get a date with because my social diary is so full! I told him I make no apology for that.. it's just how I'm choosing to live my life right now. He said he understood but would enjoy rising to the challenge (take that as you will!!?). He's a lovely guy so he's penned (not pencilled) in my diary in a couple of weeks.

So I am single, not-so-secure and socially hard to get hold of... is that good or bad? Who knows. One thing I do know is that I'm finding the hurt from the start of 2008, although still raising it's head every now and again, is being flattened quite effectively through this course of action. And it's enjoyable too! This year my accomplishments have been: Moving into my little rented apartment, making some lovely lovely lovely new friends and re-acquainting with some equally lovely old ones, getting a big tattoo, learning some new skills (lampworking) and climbing some of the tallest peaks in the UK !!!

Oh and this year I also got back on a bike (after about 10years!) and have done what I consider to be a major amount of miles (62miles in one go alone!). Those of you that know me realise I'm quite physically active and my competitiveness has grown quite considerably over the last few months due mostly to the company I have been keeping when jogging up hills etc; they're buggers for the 'race to the finish line'. It's all good fun.

So in the chase for still having "it" - I suppose having fun is what it's all about, isn't it?