The impromptu question...

Well.... a leave of absence has certainly been had! This girl has been swept up in a whirlwind of circumstance all of which has plotted against her writing her blog. 

I left you just about to embark on a City Break to Vienna with WW.... oooh, where to start! Where to start!

Well, the night of the lebanese meal was quite a weird night. The meal was lovely albeit a bit disjointed due to the restaurants staff having no one in charge to oversee the complex distribution of food to paying customers in a timely fashion. Still, the company was good and the food was still excellent. Once back at my abode, we sat and chatted and me being me and him being him, we ended up play fighting in my kitchen. he was trying to put a wrist or arm lock on me but I wasn't about to let him. The dog started barking and jumping about close by and then in the heat of the moment I said something about not worrying because he knew we still loved each other! Where the fuck that came from I don't know - but the words tripped out of my mouth gayly...and quicker than I'd imagined!

It was at this point that all limbs were loosened and WW just looked at me. I was worried for a split second as I thought "oh shit - that's blown it!" Trust me and my big gob. But then - probably about three or four seconds later (but in typical Mills & Boon style, it seemed like an age) WW addressed me by my full name and said "will you go out with me?"

I don't think I was quite ready for this question at that juncture but fresh from writing about how we should cherish all things 'good' that come our way - I spluttered something like "erm, yeah ok". (Eek!)

I found out a little later that he had planned to ask me on the Reisenrad (big wheel) in Vienna, but that moment "just seemed right".

Shortly after, and after a bit of a tender kiss, we had a little chat where I pointed out that I still wanted to take it easy with the whole relationship thing. "I'm still not over my ex completely" I uttered and then with a little prompting, proceeded to give him more of an insight into the crap that happened at the beginning of the year with 'The Darkside'.

So - that night, I went to sleep as someone's new girlfriend - and boy, did it feel strange......

Vienna - two days of city sightseeing, drinking, eating and general 'getting along' and 'stuff'. The whole experience was very enjoyable and easy peasy. While there I took the decision to change my relationship status on my facebook page... knowing full well that some of my friends that are also friendly with 'The Darkside' would see it with any luck it would 'get back'. Probably. Somehow.

And I hope when it did, the message was delivered with glee and the sort of 'I told you so' and 'you've missed out' vibes that make people like that squirm inside. Not that I'm bitter. much.

Danger Danger - High Voltage!

Wow - never has one girl had a feeling of so much power over the less-than-fair sex!

(Except maybe Belle from that itv2 drama! haha).

I've spent most of the weekend trying to make sense of the thoughts and feelings that are going on in my head / insides. I still don't think I'm much further on. Imagine a hamster running round a wheel as fast as it little legs can carry it - that's my head.

I spent most of Saturday morning after Wolves Wanderer had buggered off to work lolling around, but not before I'd pranced about in his work shirt as he showered & shaved. Never ever did I contemplate that a blokes shirt would ever look good on me, in that look-at-me-this-is-sexy way... But I seemed to strike gold that morning!

Once I'd got my arse into gear I realised that I really needed to get some work time in on my jewellery designs.... the party is looming and I need to make more pieces. Unfortunately (or not) it's not a process to be rushed! I realised the need for retail therapy of the beady kind and even though I might live off beans and scratchings for the next month I went to find a bead shop for some immediate relief for my itch.

Fifty quid later and I had a little (little being the operative word) bag of treasures to take home and work my magic with! Mum commented that I had enough to play with now... "oh how little you know", I thought (in a nice way). I managed to have my creative hat on for at least part of the night as I finished a rather fetching sterling silver swarovski crystal bracelet, and I managed to at least start a couple of other things. Then later on Wolves Wanderer rang me when he finished work at 10.30. he had mentioned to go down but I was feeling lazy and said it'll be a waste as he had to be up early to go to work on Sunday anyway... then we proceeded to be on the phone for two and a half hours!

How do you balance seeing a guy for the 'appropriate' length of time when you're just starting out? And why am I even trying to?

I'm starting to question if I'm scared... but the mere thought of me being scared, why, it's preposterous!

But maybe I am... hmmm, one to ponder.

Sunday was going to be a day for circuit training and then out on my bike for pondering such thoughts. That was, until the lie-in got in the way...! My phone woke me up beeping with a text at around 10.30! Oh well I thought, who needs circuits anyway (gulp). And then I decided coffee and weetabix were in order, which I did infront of the tv...which was dangerous...trash tv on a sunday is like a time warp!! Eventually I got out on the bike and tried to do part of the pennine trail, but it was completely uneventful. Hitting dead ends is crap. As is going through those 'A' shaped posts things, designed to make cyclist dismount (and become irritated).

Anyhoos, I was planning on going to see Wolves Wanderer perhaps Sunday eventide, but he rang me from work and apologised as he had to work the asbo van till 11pm.... (Am I a bit strange for thinking that sounds cool?). So another night sat in, fiddling with jewels was to be had - although not much actually got finished. This was due, partly, to the fact that I was sat at my computer after it had let me know I had a new message on the dating site.

It's the Welsh one.... we had a few messages back & to and the upshot of it is, that he wants me out walking. haha! I think the fact that he's not had much attention from me in the last month has given rise to him seeking it out a bit more. Anyway, to cut a long story short - I've kinda agreed but haven't set any firm date/time in place. What can I say, I'm a sucker for mountains. And he IS fit... I don't know what I'm thinking, when things are so obviously heading in one direction with WW and now this...

It could be dangerous.

But danger is my middle name this year!

Sunday night and WW decides he's coming to see me after work... a very very pleasant reprise! He gets to me around 11.50pm (which isn't unusual for me to still be up) and is still in uniform... let me tell you, it's never been a head turner for me, per se... but, there is something kinda sassy about the whole late night / man in uniform on your doorstep scenario!! haha.

Monday came and went almost uneventfully, apart from the realisation that I'm on the "must try harder" list at fat camp (ok, that's self imposed. But true!). WW has been texting me complimentary things for about the last 72 hours and I'm still kinda high on that when I decided "fuck it - I'll ask him if he fancies company tonight".

I've asked myself if this is me throwing caution to the wind and 'going with the flow' - you know, it might just be...

So off I bombed at 10.45pm last night to get to his for when he does...

I just need to add something here....

Last night as I was driving down the motorway, I saw the aftermath of a horrendous crash the sort that had people stuck in a queue for 3 hours. I've learned this morning that 5 people died tragically... in fact, a whole family. Gone. Makes you think doesn't it. How in an instant, in one cruel twist of fate, everything is changed. I feel for the rest of their family... mothers, fathers, brothers or sisters.

This morning, it's sort of made me feel very humble to have what I have. And also that I should perhaps cherish it and stop fucking about (even though I feel I can't help that). You should love and cherish the people that care for you and not worry about the ones that don't.

Hmmm.... I'll pause for that thought....................................................

So back to blogtastic

WW is coming up tonight and is taking me out for a meal. We're going lebanese - and it's his treat.

This will be the 3rd night on the trot that we've been together and that means with the impending city break included it'll be 6 nights in total.. eeeek! Funny that the woman he often works with has warned him against scaring me off! haha.

Maybe, I should be looking to cherish what i'm the current recipient of a bit more.

Maybe we all should...

Normal service resumes...

Well folks, i think it took me a good few days to get over the Monday night madness and some subsequent late nights. But she's back now and raring to go...

I've had a message from a medallion man on the dating site... didn't really mention him before as I'd only had a couple of e-mithers from him... but he sent me a message the other day so I'm wondering if he is about to rear his head. I've told him in my reply that I've been spending a lot of time with one particular guy. 

I'm wondering if as a single gal I should've done that..?

There seems to be a consensus of opinion from some quarters that a single girl should keep her options VERY open and be quite aloof when it comes to her men! Hmmm - I think I'm probably far too honest for that.

Maybe I should be tapping into that inner bitch once more....

Especially seeing as the Welsh one has also sent me a message  - I think he wants me to join him up a mountain at some point in the near future but he's kinda slow in coming forward to actually ask me outright. Although his last message said free free to joing us on the 3 peak challenge next year! Hmmmm.

What's a girl to do....?

Something to think about.

Anyway - on Friday night I took Wolves Wanderer on possibly a bit of a big step. I took him to have dinner at a good friends house. I was going to stay sober until I saw sense, bought some beer and thought "bugger that!" It was good, even though I think he was possibly a bit on the quiet side but that's to be expected when meeting new people. I don't think he thought he was being scrutinised. Anyway we played on the Wii and drank ourselves drunk. A very enjoyable night!

Earlier on Friday something else happened. My ex phoned me. Eek! I did think about ignoring his call but I didn't and took him into the girls loo's for some 'privacy' away from my desk in our open plan office. I don't know exactly why he called. Just to chat I think and to say hello and see how I was because he was passing by where I work. Perhaps if he had been a braver man he might've come to see me. But the fear of rejection is possibly what kept him away. This was a funny coincidence because only that morning he'd been mentioned in the same texts as AC/DC touring and trying to get tickets to my mate [who is also his ex brother in law].

Why oh why do I fall so easily into it with him....

It's like slipping on an old comfortable pair of jeans.

I swear sometimes I think he's my "Big". Things in the back of my head say to me that there's unfinished business there. And right now I'm in that awful limbo place of wanting it one minute and it being abhorrent the next. He threw away what we 'had'. So why I'm even giving him brain time is driving me fucking crazy! One thing I didn't do was give him any indication of Wolves Wanderer or my impending city break.

One day, but not yet...

Move over Gordon Ramsey... Wolves Wanderer coming through

I'm barely running on one cylinder today... My brain doesn't feel connected to the rest of me and as such, everything I do/think/say/touch/effect is a bit disconbombulated. After some RnR normal service will be resumed!

The reason behind this....? It might have something to do with the two bottles of wine and the bottle of limoncello that was consumed by myself and Wolves Wanderer last night. Hmmm - and no comments about getting old and not being able to keep up. I drove to work today in what can only be described as a stupor! I think there's a lesson there...

I dashed home after my fat bashers meeting and managed a quick shit shower shave routine so that I was prepped (although not preened) for when Wolves Wanderer rocked up with his gastronomic delights. It would appear that the fucking intercom has decided to not bloody work, so I had to hot foot it down to let him in the main door 'manually'. Still, I suppose the exercise is good. haha. He then proceeded to cook us a veritable feast.

Yummy yummy in my tummy... how pleased am I that this guy can cook!

(Unlike Passion Man who lived off ready meals every fucking day. Thank God that went no further!). Anyways... after treating me to steak served with brie & garlic stuffed mushrooms, proper chunky chips and baby carrots the dessert (the important bit) was every bit as delish! A chocolate & baileys individual handmade cheesecake with strawbs and a raspberry couli.... scrummdiddlyumptious or what!?

Arrrrh, big sigh of contentment..... although a good friend of mine pointed out that all this isn't helping my diet (dare I eat that). She's right. I guess it's more sex that's required.. after all, isn't that 12cals per minute? ...or is that running?! hmmmm, I don't know. I think I do enough exercise at the moment. But there is a challenge on the horizon as Wolves Wanderer has made it known that he wants to shed a few pounds and I'm charged with the job of drill sergeant. He's put my name down for a guest pass at his gym. Right up my street! hup two three four....!

He mentioned again last night about me being guarded with my 'cards' whereas his are all out on the table. I'm sure he's not tiring of the 'whole thing' just yet, more that he's just eager. I just wish I could jump in sometimes with the abandon that seems reserved for 'other people'. I'm wondering when I'll be able to tell that I'm 'ready', if ever! I have however taken what I think is a bold step and added him to my facebook page (for those in the know, those aren't his glasses!). 

Bloody emotions...

Bloody deep thinking...

Bloody men...

Bloody hell!

Sleep, Syns and the S word...

A lovely weekend has been had. However, I seem to always think that when I've not had a minute to think 'right, what to do now' and that usually happens when I'm away from home... Friday I was dead on my feet when I arrived at Wolves Wanderers house. But, weary as I was, I couldn't contain my excitement at the swiftly approaching 'mini break' we are partaking of. I was showing off my efforts with map printing & some 'detective' work of my own regarding sightseeing/times/prices etc etc. He seemed genuinely pleased that I was caring so much to go to some effort to do all this.

Hope I don't scare him off with my 'exuberant' self. Surely not.

Anyway, I had taken all the ingredients to cook one of my favourite slimming world recipe's. "Oh fuck it" I thought, gotta try him on some of the 'diet' without him even perhaps realising. And so, it was done. I just helped in the kitchen and in less than an hour, what is possibly the best culinary show of that particular recipe appeared out of his oven. The dessert was even half way 'low fat' and if you squinted slightly, the dollop of full-fat whipped double cream on the top of muller-light yoghurt and red-berries was hardly visible! (if you can't see it - it doesn't count!). We won't even mention the wine... shhhh! 

I mentioned we might have gone out, but given how knackered I was, I pleased to have been let off that one. After all, it's one thing letting the guy see you in a marginally less-than-pukka manner, but it is quite another for his mates to see that. Especially the first time. I know he would say it doesn't matter, but it matters to me. I want to look every inch the goddess when the time comes. That is said (obviously) tongue in cheek, as it means rather more literally that I want to have freshly washed (and brushed) hair & 'slap' on. haha!

On Saturday morning we did have one of those chats where he told me what he was looking for. In a nutshell, it's me. And without him actually saying so, he's kinda waiting around for me to get to the point of wanting to make things a little more 'official' shall we say. Or I end up moving away chasing a career. Hmmmm, I didn't really know what to say but swiftly realised that my default setting of 'honesty really is the best policy' won out. I reiterated that I'm not quite ready for girlfriend/boyfriend status just yet but I am enjoying basking in his company. He accepted my reasoning and that was that. Am I ready? is a question I've been asking myself over the last couple for days...

I did meet one of his friends when he dropped him off at the train station as a favour (good hair & not bad makeup day -bonus!!). We had planned to go out walking so we were suitably dressed for that and I had my casual combats on.... fresh on so they had that nice hold-me-in effect going on which is always good when the decorators have just arrived! (ladies, you know what I mean). His friend and I made pleasantries in the car and I think I managed to procure the seal of approval.

Although how could they not adore little old me!? haha

We ended up going into Wales to a place called Rhayader and had a bit of a jaunt around some of the reservoirs and up a bit of a hill. The drizzle 'frizzled' my hair but it wasn't enough to dampen our spirits, so that was good. We visited an old police camp that he had frequented as a teenager and we larked around on the obstacle course that still stands on the site. I wanted to swing on the rope swing but thought better of it when I weighed up my chances of falling off. I did hang upside down on some parallel bars which any self respecting big kid should from time to time. On the way home I was doing the classic sleepy nod. So when "why don't you recline your seat and close your eyes for a bit" was mentioned, I didn't need to think twice. I reclined into the comfy heated seat and used his work fleece as a pillow and that was it, away with the fairies... apparently he even spoke to one of his mates that was on duty through the handsfree car kit thingy and I didn't bat an eyelid.

Hmmm.. note to self: .oO try to be more awake otherwise this guy is gonna think you have narcolepsy!

I started to let some things slip to my mother this morning about recent events. At one point she had made a point of saying "I do hope you're not just jumping into bed with these men!" I was shocked - I love my mum dearly, but this is the woman that didn't even discuss the birds and the bees with me... so to be suddenly thrust into a possible conversation where the S word might get used found me a little flat footed to say the least. Anyway, she seemed suitably pleased with the choice of bloke her daughter is spending time with of late. After the events at the beginning of the year that revolved around my split with the 'dark side' (that's my ex. the phrase is blatantly robbed from a good mate) I think she's coming over a little protective. Not that that is a bad thing. But I'm wondering if things ever get more serious if he'll have to run the gauntlet of mother. She might only be small but she keeps threatening us with 'Essex kisses'...

...I swear one day, she'll surprise us all by delivering one.

My Sunday was spent in Nottingham at a tournament, so nothing exciting to report as such. It was just 12 hours of "duty" and a total of four hours in the car. Boy was I glad to get into my bed last night! And, of course, spending all this time away from home recently means that my plan to be a one woman creative jewellery designer/creator in preparation for the party isn't really coming together too well. Let alone things like housework!

Must try harder, must try harder!

Wowed by Rick Astley and Mongolian in one night...

I went to my interview/meeting yesterday all suited and booted... it went well as far as I can tell. I've made the "list" anyway. I did get slightly irked when the guy I was talking to kept looking at my boobs from time to time. haha. Not much to bloody see saddo! Later, I turned up at Wolves Wanderer's place and he seemed quite pleased to see me (dressed in a skirt). It doesn't happen often, make the most of it, is what I should have said.

A while later after a coffee and some chat he announced that he had a present for me. What could it be I wondered, he presented me with an envelope and said,

"The other day you told me about something that happened in your childhood that had annoyed you. I just thought I'd try and go someway towards putting it right"

(This is where I should add the background story: As a young child my dad & I went to see Rick Astley as my dad knew his manager. The result of the meeting was a signed album at the height of his fame in the late 80s  which was to be a prize in a competition that my dad was organising. I coveted that album - a lot. I asked my dad if we could get something else as a prize instead so I could keep the record (yes kids, vinyl!). No, I couldn't was the answer. And yes, you guessed it, some kid won the album in a competition that I couldn't even win because my dad was one of the judges.... such was my life at circa 10yrs old.)

So, I opened the envelope and inside was a picture of Rick Astley and a piece of card with his signature on. Wolves Wanderer had bought this signature from ebay..! Now, I'm sure he knows I'm not a closet fan of Mr. Astley given that I attend gigs like Disturbed, Marilyn Manson, Metallica et al.... This was more about the thought - the gesture. And once again, he's swiftly done a fly by under my sick bag detector and left me spinning thinking,

Can this guy get any more thoughtful!?

Not long after we got showered and changed in preparation for our evening of culinary delights. The Mongolian food was amazing and my belly is still feeling full from the pure gluttony of it all - God knows what happened to my diet, I think I last saw it at the beginning of last week! After we'd eaten our fill of the gorgeous food we returned home and the suggestion was made to go out & walk the dog. It was past 11pm, but hey - I had food to digest and I didn't want to take my full belly and the probability of gas with me to bed.

I'm lady don't you know... 

So off we set off up a steep hill to a local monument. How romantic was it stood there under the blanket of stars in wellies, a fleece coat that was about 6 sizes too big for me and hair that was rapidly curling in the dampness of the night air. Didn't seem to matter too much in the darkness though I suppose. And he didn't seem to care when he kissed me tenderly.

The question I'm pondering at the moment is why don't I take compliments very well... do I have such poor self esteem?

Wolves wanderer told me that I looked beautiful... I shy away from comments like that and he has started to notice.

I knew when I split from my ex, my confidence felt like it had been brow beaten out of me. I don't think I'd ever felt low like that before. But being single and doing all the exciting things I've done this year, I'd become (I thought) quite up-beat, independent and definitely more confident. I think in almost every other part of my life I feel confident about things, so why not with my appearance? I'm wondering if it comes back to this trust issue. My ex ex never bothered complimenting me really and that was that. But my ex complimented me often enough (he also noticed that I didn't accept them readily). I think the issue might be that he turned them around somewhat at various points and still managed to make me feel I was too fat, too flabby, too loudly dressed, too expressive with my hands, etc etc. The thoughts were mainly my own but probably borne from his sideways looks or comments.

Putting your belief and trust in someone when you've been let down by someone you thought loved you can be quite a big deal (or so it would seem). I've been honest with every one of the suitors I've met with the fact that I'm learning to trust again. Wolves Wanderer is,  I think, the only one that has said more than "ok" to that.

I guess it's something I will try to work on.

This morning I was late to work as I found it ridiculously hard to a) get my arse out of his dressing gown and b) leave his company. He told me he had missed me (from Monday) and to be honest, I'm starting to concur.

Anyhooos, it's my turn to cook us a meal so that's happening tomorrow night. There's also the threat of meeting some of his friends.. gulp - am I ready for that? After all, he's met a couple of mine and will also meet at least one of my good friends at a beer festival next week. (diet is on red alert!)

Oh and I'm sure it'll be fat week....

Shock horror!

Isn't it great how so much can happen in just a few short hours......!!!

I'm going to Vienna!!

(Yes that's, Vienna - Austria, not to be confused with a popular yummy ice cream dessert).

I'm going with Wolves Wanderer... feels perhaps a tad strange given we're not officially an item but I thought, what the heck. (As did he obviously). This all came about after me going to the Disturbed gig on Monday (as it's them we're going to see in, did I mention, Vienna!!) haha.

I don't think he even knew who they were properly before the weekend! Anyway, he listened to some stuff online, liked them and looked up where they were playing (World Tour) - unfortunately, Birmingham was a sell out and Vienna just happened to coincide with some of his days off. Coolio! I'm questioning the wisdom in a foreign jaunt given my current unstable career situation but I had one of my classic "ahh, fuck it" moments and lo, it was booked. Albeit on the cheap. Obviously.

So, you can imagine, I'm quite excited about this now!

A bit of much needed adventure to brighten the dull days at the end of October.

Today is a shorter than average post as I'm buggering off shortly to attend a meeting with a recruiter and after that, I'm hot footing it straight down to Wolves Wanderer's (very lovely) house as he is taking me out to dinner tonight.

Mongolian no less...

Fair weather and inclement friends...

What a busy few days I've had. On Saturday after spending a total of four hours driving, you'd think I'd be pretty knackered, but in fact I was quite fired up. I'd won two free tickets to a comedy club on Saturday night and Wolves Wanderer was coming over for the whole weekend.... progression? hmmm - maybe. I was excited anyway. So on my arrival home I donned my wonder woman persona and managed to do the whole 'shit shower shave' routine in around an hour. And it seemed to be a good hair / make up day - wonders will never cease! A thoroughly good time was had and I think we realised that we probably shared a similar sense of humour when we laughed at the same crude (and blue) jokes but were too polite to say. We'd (unintentionally) met up with a couple of people I know, so off we went to another bar for a boogie. We left around half past twelve to return home for a few drinks etc...

The next day, after not much sleep, the weather was gorgeous - so after being surprised with bucks fizz. I found that facet of domestic goddess in my personality that very occasionally allows me to be a great cook and rustled up scrambled eggs & smoked salmon on toast. yum yum! Then we went for a day out at the beach. We took along his gorgeously aloof dog and when we weren't holding hands, we did the whole throwing sticks into the water like you're meant to do when you own a dog (aren't you?). We walked for a while when he suggested we have a sit down at the base of some sand dunes. Then promptly produced a small bottle of champers and two glasses! (wow...is this guy for real!?).

So - he's really trying to impress and so far he's impressively flying under my "pass me a sick bag" radar.

He also asked me if he'd managed to change my mind about wanting a relationship. Hmmmm, has he? I don't know.

His dog loves me though, that's for sure!

Last night I went to a gig (Disturbed) with a good friend of mine and we had a heart to heart. My point was this... while I still have thoughts and feelings for my ex, albeit mixed up and confused, is it right to plunge into another relationship? I'm not so sure it is. This isn't me saying I necessarily want to get back with my ex... but that, if he came a knockin (yeah right, as if!) I would do more than waiver - it'd be a real problem for me. And therefore, I shouldn't expect myself to be ready to be someone elses girlfriend while these thoughts are still apparent. In my head, this all feels like a big ball of fluffy mess, with no real rhyme or reason. But I think I'm right (of course).

It's bollocks.

no, really - it is!

I hate this level of confusion and self-doubt. One problem, it's all my own doing I think. Why does it always seem that it's just women that get stuck with these sorts of emotive thoughts and cross-confusions? Aaaargh. So this is where "sensible girl" leapt in in response to Wolves Wanderer's question... I told him the truth that I'd been through my favourites on the dating sight like a dose of salts and removed all the dead wood. And that I'd also 'hidden' my profile for the time being.

This answer sufficed - I think both parties were pleased.

So what is it that is truly holding me back? I know that my ex and I will never get it back.

And all my friends are telling me that this new guy is loads nice/better/more stable/better prospects etc etc. (obviously).

Aaaaaaarrrrrghhhh! I feel like I need a brain rinse!

Meanwhile, back in the fish pond -  The Welsh one has sent me a message... he's still in Canada but mentioned he's coming up to North Wales the week after next. No specific invitation, so my reply has been fairly non-committal.

This has given rise to a bit of an epiphany :

It's ok to be around people that want to spend time with you and will actually go out of their way for you and equally (and perhaps more importantly) it's ok to not be around people that don't bother with you. And this stretches far past the realms of dating / socialising with blokes. This reaches into the eschalons of friends and associates and even family.

(yes really)

I'm one of life's givers (of course). A generous sort who will try to help out people if I can and I'm usually the one who goes to people's houses or makes the first call, you know what I mean (even when I was in a relationship and living with my ex I did this). There's nothing wrong with that. Ask yourself if you do the same? There are a few people I know (family included) that keep saying to me that they don't know where I am half the time or don't know the goss on the latest bloke etc etc etc. I know things can be a little bit fast paced in my world at times and change in a fleeting moment but, to be honest, it fucks me off right royally. I think there's no real excuse for having this conversation over and over....

Truth is, they're not that bothered and haven't even realised that it's just me that's become pissed off with the situation and stopped being the one to always make the phonecalls or housecalls.... funny how they miss you but don't even think to become a proactive participant in the relationship isn't it..?

I'll get off my soapbox now...

The culture vulture

I went to see another recruiter yesterday in the city centre. I must admit, I do feel like a fish out of water sometimes, teetering along in my dolly bird heels & a skirt in daylight hours. I just don't carry it off well. And for that reason, I'm quite pleased that another recruiter rang me & told me about a position up in Cumbria that might interest me. Hmmm, that's my part of the country for sure. Working on "outdoorsy" brands too. Could be just my cup of tea and I'd probably bring a touch of sparkle to the role. I love the great outdoors, but I'll still wear make up and silver clothing - catch my drift!? haha. 

So then, why am I now starting to have negative thoughts about moving away from my most prominent suitor!? I caught myself checking if there were any positions in his neck of the woods a couple of days ago and had to tell myself off!

Aaargh - I'm now doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do and it's irritating me.

But I can't help it. What does this mean?!  Am I about to start self-sabotage tactics I wonder?

My mind is working overtime...

I'm also having quite a few thoughts about my ex. It's because he'd confessed to me being 'under his skin' and 'missing me like crazy'. But I've not heard from him for about a week now. I should be glad - so why am I left 'wondering' - it's causing me a bit of a headfuck at the moment and I don't like it!

I wish there was a formula for working out when you're over someone.... something like

love x words / relationship length = time required for closure

My clarity is not coming easily or quickly, but I suppose that just goes to show that my feelings towards that person were of a pretty high calibre. (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)

I'm going to a concert on Monday and originally I had asked The Rhino if he fancied it... like the bad bad girl I am, I went and changed my mind about him coming. Too much of a faff because he doesn't drive! I also had misgivings about taking him because a good friend of my ex is going - how mental is that?! I'm wondering if that's 'telling'. I think I just didn't want to give off the wrong impression as he is/was never going to a long term bolt on to my life.

Oh - with regard to the Passion Man - I'm kinda treating it that 'no news' is good news.... eek! I'm obviously a rubbish 'letterdownerer' I'm dreading that text coming through though. Hopefully, the way in which I scuttled off after our disasterous date has sent him the message loud and clear. He's no longer on my favourite list nor me his on the site. Why do we put ourselves through the drama?

I'm also left wondering what will happen when the Welsh one comes back from Canada and if he contacts me... That'll be a test because girls, he is fucking gorgeous with a capital F! I so would! (And I'd bet you would too! haha)

On a lighter note, I've given Wolves wanderer a culture lesson today. He sent me a limerick, I'd love to share but it's kinda personal to me. Strike that, it's very bloody personal. haha. I've got a soft spot for (proper) poetry so I sent him what  is possibly my favourite poem in the world (and the only one I can recite) by W B Yeats. He promptly rang me wowing at me sending him something so beautiful. I'll share this one with you:

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light.

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths,

Of night and light and the half-light.

I would spread the cloths under your feet.

But I, being poor, have only my dreams.

I have spread my dreams under your feet,

Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

Enjoy x

And the results are in...

My poll has now finished (thank you if you voted) the consensus is that using a dating site to fulfill any type of carnal desire should be used as a last resort if you're desperate.... hmmmm, I tend to agree. You would not believe some of the numpties that have sent me messages via the service on the site I'm on! I ended up changing my settings so that I only got messages of no less than 50 words for instance.

And if they were written in text speak, well, no chance! I didn't want to have to employ a child to decipher any messages! But it amazed me at how many people do it. And not just on the dating site. In general! One guy was chatting to me via the IM and he said, 

"Can I hv ur phne no. pls?"

No you can't. Feck off! If I'm not even worth the extra vowels then why on Gods earth should I bother. Maybe I'm just being naive and I'm not a hardened internet dating 'type' - but contacting me and asking for my phone number straight away just because I have the manners to reply to your initial message....!?! Well to be frank ladies, it left me cold on more than one occasion. I want some smooooze, to feel like I have something in common with the person, I want you to make me feel like I want to know more about you... am I wrong? I don't think so. I don't want any weird fuglies on there ringing me up at any given moment!

Originally I probably had my net cast too far and too wide. With an age range from 34 to 42. (My ex was 43 when we split). Let me tell you, I swear some of the guys on there are blatantly lying about their ages! And don't even get me started on the 'old' photographs! One I saw the other day really took the biscuit - he had a picture on there of him at about 15. He was 39 for fucks sake! Then there are the guys (bless them) that look soooo much older than their 'real' ages. One guy, lovely as he probably was, contacted me. He was only 40 I think but he looked just about ready for his bus pass!

It was shortly after that I added "must have all own hair & teeth" to my profile. I don't want to look like I'm going out with my dad!

I don't think that makes me picky.

Anyhooos, since all this, I've narrowed my age range significantly from 34-36! haha, funny how you live and learn!

You do of course, occasionally find exceptions....... Wolves Wanderer came round on Tuesday night, he turned up with: pizza, salad, bottle of wine (nice one too!) and to finish strawberries & clotted cream! "Wow" I thought, "this is soooooooo gonna need working off!!" haha Now, it's an hours drive between his pad & my boudoir... and he had to be in work at 5am the next morning! Bless him, he still made the effort to get himself sorted (he's a well groomed individual), go shopping for the stuff and make his way over in time for me just getting home. And he cooked / sorted it all out. That a fair amount of effort in anyone's book! He's really aiming to please, it's very sweet and I think he's succeeding.

I still have my sticking point though  - about not being able to be in a relationship right now. I still think about my ex and how I'll ever learn to cope with those thoughts, I don't know - I guess that's a time thing. But I think I'm right in assuming that while I'm still pondering it, I'm not ready. I can still enjoy the nice things that are happening to me though, right? I think I'm ok doing that as long as I have the presence of mind to know and understand where I am with things. (I've made this as clear as I can to him). Crikey, I might have to move to another part of the country yet for work! Wolves Wanderer has told me how he feels though, he's even run it by me that he's classing himself as off the shelf right now. Which I must admit, feels kinda nice really. The numbers of texts have jumped significantly from around 20 to over 200 in a matter of a few days!

I think it's fair to say he's keen. Friends still tell me he's a 'keeper'.

He's coming over this weekend, so I hope I'll have plenty to look forward to...

The bitch and the keeper

I went to the pre-opening night of a new local 'wagamama' (noodle bar) last night with a good friend. I'm a whore for any freebies, as any self respecting girlie should be! haha. Anyway, one starter, a main meal and beer served with laughs later and I was in a thoroughly good mood.

After discussing the virtues of some of the men in my life and some absolutely gorgeous compliments, I was left drawing some conclusions. I have had two serious relationships in the past 20 years, both of which have ended badly and the pair of them treated me badly, in one way or another. Do we let ourselves be treated like this? I'd like to think I'm a confident, vibrant young woman who isn't a doormat. I just happen to be fairly tolerant and 'understanding'. But I'm questioning whether or not I'm a little delusional.

Should I be exploring my inner bitch?

Do I need some perspective?

Maybe - and this is my point - it's less about me, and more about the kind of man us girlies find ourselves attracted to. It's often said about women liking the bastard... is that true I wonder? All my friends seem to have lovely husbands / long-term partners. Sometimes I do wonder why they are together (not all of them).

A-ha! Maybe that's just it....

...the guys we all just end up shagging and getting drunk with for x months/years and are doubtless attracted to are NOT meant to be long term partners for us. I mean, we still need to be attracted in someway, shape or form but does that come in other guises than the physical!? Maybe I'm yet to learn this wonderful lesson in life. Looking inwardly, I'd quite like a guy to be attracted to me for the sort of person I am, not just how I look. So it follows that I should pay more attention to looking for the sort of personality traits I find desirable. Slightly less buff but more inner beauty. So why do we not do this more actively?

I've been told that one of the guys currently in orbit around me is a 'keeper' (for sure) and I'm inclined to agree. I find his company very agreeable and his personality is lovely. He's also kind and attentive without being clingy, which is excellent. Once I get over the fact that he's obviously not a bastard then maybe I'll be able to get past the sticking point and move on to the chance of a fantastic loving relationship.

In other news, I went through my profile on the dating site this morning and removed myself from a fair few 'favourites' lists as I was on about 25. I have now hidden my profile too. I'm not very good at just ignoring peoples messages, unless of course they are ridiculously stupid (of which I've had a few). So I'm hoping to fly under Passion Man's radar, the 6'9" Goat Man will just have to wait, as will the aging Dwarf who is constantly asking me for my phone number or to go for coffee's with him. He wears a medallion...

...nuff said!

I just need to deal with The Rhino who has messaged me this morning. I've not read it yet but I'm sure he will want to IM me today as we haven't spoken really since he came over the weekend before last. He is a nice guy, but I think he has issues and needs to get himself out of his rut but he doesn't seem the type to do that without someone constantly bugging him. I don't want to be that person so I think the bubble that made me want to spend any serious amounts of time with him has burst.

Hmmm, I've not decided how to play that one just yet! Maybe I should be asking my bitch? Answers on a postcard...

Taking the rough with the smooth

So, the weekend is all but a memory and mainly a happy one. It was marred slightly by my date with Passion Man last night.

I drove home saying "bleeeuuuurggh!" and "ugh!" out loud as if I'd had a mouthful of something unpleasant.

Yes his hair was on the geeky side of floppy and I wondered if it was 'product' or grease in there. Having regarded that for a while as I sat opposite from him, I'm guessing it was the latter. Imagine for a moment if you had a lineup of men in front of you and it was a game of guess the accountant.... you'd pick him out a mile off! Think sensible glasses. He definitely should've gone to Specsavers! All this I wouldn't have minded so much but this was all compounded by the fact I think he'd left his conversation skills in the car!

The poor guy was obviously nervous so I'm perhaps being a little cruel. All I know is that I didn't want to be there after ten minutes. I even wondered about excusing myself somehow but I couldn't, I'm not that heartless. Needless to say, I won't have to endure that with him again, no chance. He even struggled to talk about a 3.5week holiday to Oz... he did however do a nice line in talking about convenience food because he doesn't cook. At all. Oh, and how he'd climbed Snowdon up the road way and he did it as part of the 'fast group'. Oh and how he can do 8mph on his mountain bike. Like I was meant to be impressed. Personally I kinda struggled not to talk directly to the large mole that was sitting just above one side of his lip. Jees!

It was painful as I'm sure you can imagine.

The night before was far better, having gone to see Wolves Wanderer. He'd worked late and also had an early start on Sunday but he wanted me to go over anyway, tempted by the mention of a 'banquet fit for a princess' and with the alternative being domestic chores, there was no contest. He cooked a big chili which was very nice then we watched a film and had a laugh (with his riot gear) and shared a nice bottle of red. Very chilled.

The next morning he was up early to get ready to be at work for 5. 'This is a good sign' I thought, 'he's trusting me alone in his house'. Anyway, I tidied round the bombsight that was the kitchen, as any self respecting person would have. I found £10 on the floor too (wondered if it was a test). I also walked his dog who seems to have really taken to me. That was fun and I enjoyed it. Bit of exercise too! It would seem that I have inadvertently scored brownie points on my dating scorecard. On his return from a 12 hour shift he sent me this text:

"I must be dreaming at the mo, I need a pinch. Last night this gorgeous girl stayed at my house, I had to go to work really early and the kitchen was a mess. I've come home knackered, not wanting to go back into it and it's all tidy! I've even made 10 quid and the dog has been walked. Are you for real or is this just an amazing dream? Thank you xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx"

So, I'm still playing it cool but I must admit to being quite taken, despite my previous misgivings. At what point I wonder do 'relationship' thoughts take over 'just spending time together' thoughts...? I don't think I'm ready yet as the head-fucks still keep happening from past wounds. Until, they've 'healed' or at least subsided much much more, I'll not be getting into anything too heavy. That said, Wolves Wanderer and I have had a chat about things - he's admitted to looking for someone long term but he said he understands where I am with things at the moment (as he's been there) and it's important that I continue on my own path. He also picked up on something I said, which was that I was looking for something 'nice', what we've shared has been nice, so I'm happy with that to continue. Anyway - he's coming up on Saturday (with any luck).

Life, Love and Happiness

This is a short entry tonight as I've been invited by Wolves Wanderer to go for a meal at his 'gaff' and to be honest faced with the choice between that or the ironing - hmm, it wasn't much of a contest really.

I went to see a friend today who is in some need of 'bolstering' after her hubster has left her and their young child. It left me with an enormous sense of 'life is too short for tears' kind of feeling. I do wish her well and so much love. I know that in the coming months and possibly years she might not ever get to understand what was going through his mind to cause his actions but she will flourish regardless. As we all do.

When my ex split up with me I went through a 'pain barrier' and what seemed like endless tears. The questions and 'reasoning' just flitted around my head like never tiring butterflies. We just need to make our peace with things sometimes to enable us to forge onwards as the extraordinary creatures we are. My dad said once "When you wake up tomorrow, the sun will still shine and the birds will still sing". Of course, how right he was, and in a weird way, this helped. I could choose whether to cry, be sad and mull or mope about things or I could dust myself off and get on with rebuilding my life. I chose the latter (after a lot of vodka, tears and wet shoulders) and now I'd like to think that people see me as a strong, happy, smiley character who is content in her own skin. Ok, ok - maybe a stone or two lighter and then I'd be reeeeaaaaaalllly happy, but hey ho.

But what I'm trying to say is that it's too easy to get caught up in things and be blinkered.

Life really IS too short.

I've seen a road accident today, not actually happen but the aftermath and it was a fatality. How sad is that!? So before you start nagging your other half or children or anyone for that matter ask yourself why. Try to see the bigger picture. Keep a smile somewhere for everyone and you won't go too far wrong. Try to find the positives in your current situations.

Be happy.

Thank the Lord, it's Friday!

So, first off, my arse isn't sore after yesterdays bike ride. Which is good because I thought it might've been, having not been in the saddle for a few weeks. We stopped halfway at a local Abbey, or the ruins thereof. I love old shit like that. We climbed up a stone spiral staircase in one of the towers. It was absolutely pitch black.

I took photo's from the top. It was good fun. Small things eh?!

So, for the first time, I'm blogging about  a date and I'm wondering how much information to give. Do I skim over or lavish details upon you I wonder...?

Well girls (and guys if there are any), lets just firstly say that Wolves Wanderers homestead is a pretty nifty affair. A small wooden beamed stone cottage situated not quite in the middle of nowhere. Inside, not absolutely immaculate, but fairly close, which is good - I like tidy men without them being anal, as I'm sure most girlies do. He has style and nice taste in proper wood furniture, cushions, curtains etc. My mum, and most mum's would, no doubt, approve!

Hang on, let me stop myself - Why the hell am I wowing about bloody soft furnishings...

aaaarrrgh, I'm turning into a domesticat!!

Moving swiftly on - he has more than a decent smattering of gadgetry, which as you will already know, I like. The biggest fucking fridge I've ever seen in my whole life!! TV's, DVD players, SKY HD etc etc. Even remote control lights! How very Dean Martin'esque' eh!? It might've been a different, cheesy bachelor, story had they dimmed when he clapped, but thankfully, they didn't.

All this and he can cook! He made us Lasagne, which any self respecting foody would love! With garlic bread (great for my diet. not!) and salad. All washed down with a bottle of my favourite plonk. Previously when we've met, usually over dinner, he's mentioned he likes cooking but didn't do a lot for just himself (I know exactly how he feels) You can imagine I was a fairly happy bunny at this point in the proceedings. Then the second glass of wine, and "You can crash here if you like?" was served up.

Well....... it'd be rude not to.

Wouldn't it?

Good job I spent time the night before packing a bag 'just in case'.

Smiles all round.

So he lit the wood burning stove thing (gorgeous!) and we reclined on the sofa chatting and looking at some pictures he wanted to show me (something to do with his work but I can't mention it on here). Anyway, to cut what I could make into a very long story short, we ended up snogging on the sofa. Which was kinda inevitable really as it was in the air. Then, given the time of night and the wine I'd consumed (not much, but too much to drive), I stayed over.

And very nice it was too.  ; )

And that's why today, he's phoned in sick and I've been mostly just trying to stay awake.

So now that WW is quite firmly out of the 'friends box' and back into the fighting arena, my thoughts have turned to Sundays date with Passion Man...

...and whether I'll judge him by the amount of flop in his hair.

Choices abound!

I bought a computer for my new bike last night - and tried to fit it! Haha, what a mistake that was at 10pm! Don't get me wrong, I love gadgetry and I knew straight away that I wanted one of these. Christ, I haven't even got lights for it yet and I have a cyclometer and also now one of those snazzy looking mutli-tool things with umpteen allen keys and various other implements for 'fiddling' with your setup.

So, at approximately 10.23pm (!) I gave up on the fitting the gadget to my handlebars as I realised I didn't have an engineering degree to fit it...! I did however work out the circumference of my wheel using about the only formula I remember from Maths lessons at high school (apparently I'll need that). I'll fit it at the weekend perhaps, when I'm not preoccupied with other things.

And the reason for the faff last night? I've been invited by Wolves Wanderer to go to his house after work for a ride (his words, not mine! LOL) and he's also going to cook a meal for us. How sweet eh? (he gets back from his holiday this afternoon). I packed a bag last night with a change of clothes for riding and all the essentials, should I end up staying over (I mean... a meal AND wine.....!?). So this morning, I made myself late by wrestling my bike into the back of my car. It must've looked quite comical to anyone who happened to be watching!

So, that aside. I also have another date! Passion Man has alluded a few times to wanting to meet up at some point. So I've agreed to luncheon at the weekend.

I mean a girl needs choices, right?

So on Sunday, I'll be getting myself primped and preened for that most important of meetings... the first one! I just need to decide where to go. We've agreed the location, a fairly local outlet place that has loads of eateries... I should pick carefully because:

a) I'm on a diet! (who the hell isn't these days) AND I've stuffed my face this week AND I bet the meal with WolvesWanderer isn't going to following my diet plan AT ALL!

and

b) What do you eat in front of someone that you're meeting for the first time when you don't want to be embarrassed? Spaghetti down your chin or tussling with food before flicking it across the room from your fork is not a good look, I don't care how kooky I am otherwise!

I'm sure I'll think of something, maybe I'll pick somewhere where I can see him arrive, or that has a bar I can sit at. Whoever thought I'd be thinking about so many details. Tell you what though, it all goes out of the window on about date three and the will to primp & preen is slightly marred by the fact that - I just can't be bothered with all that shite normally! haha!!

I have done quite a bit of women watching of late.... seems a lot of girls that may very likely be single spend a lot, and I mean A LOT of time and effort on their appearance when leaving the house. I mean - have you seen the role models out there. Ms Cole for instance, although seemingly very pretty and weighing in at less than 6 stones (apparently). I tried my hand the other night at applying a similar amount of make up that she wears - have you seen all that eyeliner!? Anyway, I'm no makeup artiste, but to be fair, I'm probably better than most. Jesus, it's not becoming for normal everyday girls to wear that much slap!

It has actually made me question whether my day in - day out ensemble of jeans and tshirt should be addressed also.... My friends know that I'm not that fussed by fashion per se - I mean, I do sometimes, but I'll equally go out for a night (like I did last saturday) in jeans and a vest.

Everything in life is about choices. Fact.

I always try to think 'sexy', especially when out at night. Haha, it's even been commented on that I'm a cross between Eliva, Lara Croft and Wonder Woman (that was courtesy of The Rhino). But I have a style, if you can call it that, of my own and I don't really care if Kate Moss is launching a new range of (oooh) must have clothes at Primark or wherever. I mean, who the fuck over the age of 20 wears this kind of pische anyway. Certainly not a rock goddess like me! I like being individual so if that means I want to wear an old cutaway funky top with jeans and my FMB's then so be it. At least I don't subscribe like all the other sheep! Baaa!

Just re-read that it it makes me sound something akin to Waynetta Slob. I'm not I hasten to add, I just have a relaxed style and a job that allows me to be comfortably casual. A good friend of mine made me add this to my dating site profile 'an eclectic mix of rock chick meets bohemian hippy.

Screw fashion I say.

Hooray for doing what the hell you like...

PS. I just wanted to add.. I went to visit a good friend of mine last night who had her nose fixed yesterday. Think the "tampons" are coming out of her nose today, lol... I wish her all the best with the results and hope she's very happy. Those black eyes are beaut's though! Couldn't have done better myself!  ; )

PPS. Screw work - I'm clocking off early to go for my ride ; ) I'll let you all know how it went tomorrow....

When & Where to make informed decisions....

Last night I sat at home and thoroughly enjoyed the texts I was getting from the WolvesWanderer while he is away on holiday. Now I had decided most reverently (I thought) that this particular guy was going to be firmly in the "friends box" - you girls know what I'm talking about. That place where all those lovely guys you meet and allow into your life go when they are no way going to get into your pants.

BUT - only a few nights ago I was telling a good friend of mine about an errand that this man did for me, out of the kindness of his heart. He travelled God knows how many miles out of his way to pick up something for me to save me the journey. And then, he drove it all the way to me at work. Talk about door to door service! Anyway - she said, "That's him, that's the man for you!". I was laughing at the time and said words like "Yeah, but I don't think I fancy him" to which she starting talking about Knights of olde and honour and quests etc etc! haha.

Anyway, my informed decision about him being in the "friends box" is now waivering.

Has she really swayed my decision I wonder?

He is a lovely guy and has a lot of genuinely pleasant qualities. He has a good job and has no prior kids (although he does have an ex-wife). So where along the line does just liking someone turn into fancying them? I'm wondering if I'm seeing things through rose-tinted glasses because of his kindness. But now he's being attentive even when he's not in the country.

Do you need to have some sort of physical contact to aid you in this decision...? (I've kissed him goodbye/goodnight and that's it).  Are you "allowed" to keep men 'on the boil' until you decide? I'm not sure how high that moral ground is or should be.

As a single modern woman, should I be thinking about the bigger (life) picture to help me make an informed decision?

And as for informed decisions about other life matters - career, time-management etc... Hmm, informed they are not as last night I found myself wondering if I could launch myself into the glitzy cheshire-set crowd as an amazing jewellery designer to the stars! Not sure if I was awake or just dreaming.... I think the pile of silver and jewels on the table in my lounge currently awaiting mega-stardom is a testament to that not happening any time soon. BUT - I do have a jewellery party to prepare for at the beginning of November and so - magick will hopefully be upon me and my fingers at the weekend.

Let the creative juices flow freely!

Meet the boys...

I've realised that calling my suitors alphabetically is going to be a little confusing so I am bound to make life easier for you by giving them a proper introduction now and also giving them a nickname each. So in no particular order:

Meet TheRhino (35) 6'3". This name works on a number of levels not least because of the amount of horn this man seems to have! haha. He's very sweet and has a very active imagination (and not just in that way). I think he's also prone to flights of fantasy and has very very possible acute anger issue but with himself. Probably one of life's under-achiever's and almost proud of that but with a sense of wanting to get out of his rut but not knowing how to do that. I think even he doesn't know where he's going in life. Definitely not one for 'hum-drum' and 'normality' because that would be too "beige". He works in the legal admin department of an academic facility.

Then there's the WolvesWanderer (35) 5'8", previously mentioned as suitor B, This guy is lovely. A true gent if ever there was one (or so it seems). He seems a very genuinely nice person. He's divorced (his wife left him for someone else) but has no kids. Just a dog. Own home & Car. Policeman. He's maybe just a little on the rounder side of fit. He's also been texting me while he's currently away on holiday. He used to do far more than he does now physically and I think he might be looking to me for that to change. He's also not as tall as I'd like either. Is that too picky?

The PassionMan (39) 5'10", previously mentioned as the not-so-shy-and-retiring suitor C, this guy I can't make my mind up about. He's never really pushed me hard to pin me down for a date which makes me wonder if he's seeing others at the moment (and that's fine)... He's divorced and has a 12 yr old daughter (no issue). This guy has very professional job as a financial manager in a big insurance company or something. And I believe he has a floppy hair 'do'. Hmmm - can't await to see that one! LOL. He's also very 'active' in his sexy texts, which leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, believe me! I think even I blushed! Good job I'm not prudish!

The ManCyclist (36) 6'0", is a slow burner. He's fairly keen to meet me at some point but isn't pushing at all. This guy does a lot of cycling - even in the rain! He is a self employed Garden Designer / Landscaper. He seems quite laid back and we seem to share a similar wit. And he too isn't backwards in coming forwards! I've been on the receiving end of some of "those sort" of texts - he knows his dustpan from his duster I can tell ya!

The WelshOne (40) 5'10", is lush! But lives all the way down in the south of wales. He has been very complimentary on more than one occasion but I don't think it's going to be easy getting to meet him. Never been married, no kids. Policeman. Although we did have loose arrangements to climb up a mountain and there was even talk of camping at one point. He does a heck of a lot of cycling and walking and is generally an outdoorsy hippy type with fucking gorgeous legs ladies! Cool or what!? He's very non comittal and I think he's probably set in his ways, but every now & again he surprises me with a new message on the site. He's away at the moment as he says he has a 2nd home in Canada, so he's gone there for a few weeks. Alright for some eh!?

I once heard (on radio 4 so it must be true) that any self respecting modern, single woman should have at least four men circling around her at any one time.... so there's an easy five to be going on with! There was another, but he turned out to be a complete dickhead so I kicked him into touch as soon as he got abusive and gave me grief in messages before I'd even met him. WTF!? ...anyway, the less breath wasted on that loser the better.

Greedy?

Nah. Think 'choices'...

Onwards and Upwards?

Excellent. I've just had a call from a decent agency to go in and see them again after I'd applied for a lovely job on their books. So next week, I'll put on something suitably businesslike, grab my portfolio and don my suitably arty farty proverbial 'hat'. Being a 'luvvie' in my industry is apparently all smoke and mirrors. Don't you just hate bullshit like that!? - I do. I'm more of a spade is a spade type, being overly precious just isn't me. I spend too much time in the great outdoors to be phased by some of the corporate bollocks that these 'suits' we ordinary people meet occasionally throw at us. But I'll play the game if it lands me gainful employment...

I've just had suitor C (39) send me a text which I've not replied to yet - he's keen to meet me at some juncture but also seems to be playing it a little cool, like he's not that bothered. But he always send me little texts to see how I am or what I'm up to. He's also completely x-rated at times with his messages, I wonder if he's sex mad sometimes. It never fails to make me giggle reading the 'fucking' explicit ones. He's a financial manager for some insurance company, he lives in what I believe to be a very nice area about an hour from me, and he's just come back from three weeks in Oz... maybe I'll let him buy me a coffee one day soon...

Am I turning into a fickle singleton?

Maybe.

Hello! I'm single AND still got it..!

So... I'm relatively slow on the uptake with all this blogging malarky, afterall, I'm a single thirtysomething with a hectic lifestyle - where on earth would I find the time to write anything!? Quite a few of my friends have started with the whole blog thing so I thought it was time to take the plunge because some of the escapades of this particular singleton have been to the great merriment of some of my closest friends. Some of which have even said to me "You should write a book!"

My life currently finds me:

a) Single - and yes, I never thought I'd say it, but I'm quite happy being this way (for now). It seems to afford me 'powers'. It compels either great jealousy (haha!) or a certain type of attraction. An attraction that seems to fall into two different sorts; a pure lustful sort of attraction and the other a more adoration type of attraction. Both of which I am having a fairly nice time reveling in when they come about! There's currently about half a dozen 'suitors' in varying levels of connection with me (I'll introduce them all in due time). All are keen enough, or so it would seem. I'm enjoying doing the 'dance' of the independent single woman with my social diary. At the moment if I want someone nice to go to dinner with or the pictures or just hang out with, I think I could have my pick. Not that I'm that sort of woman you understand ; )

b) Working my notice - and trying not to panic too much. I feel like I'm possibly stood on the edge of a great precipice. It's going to be fall into the abyss or take flight. Personally I'm hoping it's the latter... and believe me, if the job in Warsaw or Dubai comes up - I'm off!!

and c) Busy - never has my life been so 'full'. I was on the phone last night to a potential suitor (we'll call him Suitor B, but only because I'm saving suitor A for later). Suitor B (35) exclaimed that I was a difficult girl to try and get a date with because my social diary is so full! I told him I make no apology for that.. it's just how I'm choosing to live my life right now. He said he understood but would enjoy rising to the challenge (take that as you will!!?). He's a lovely guy so he's penned (not pencilled) in my diary in a couple of weeks.

So I am single, not-so-secure and socially hard to get hold of... is that good or bad? Who knows. One thing I do know is that I'm finding the hurt from the start of 2008, although still raising it's head every now and again, is being flattened quite effectively through this course of action. And it's enjoyable too! This year my accomplishments have been: Moving into my little rented apartment, making some lovely lovely lovely new friends and re-acquainting with some equally lovely old ones, getting a big tattoo, learning some new skills (lampworking) and climbing some of the tallest peaks in the UK !!!

Oh and this year I also got back on a bike (after about 10years!) and have done what I consider to be a major amount of miles (62miles in one go alone!). Those of you that know me realise I'm quite physically active and my competitiveness has grown quite considerably over the last few months due mostly to the company I have been keeping when jogging up hills etc; they're buggers for the 'race to the finish line'. It's all good fun.

So in the chase for still having "it" - I suppose having fun is what it's all about, isn't it?